Never Love Me
by ProbsNotPerfect
Summary: Keith has found himself attracted to Lance, but knows Lance will not feel the same way. Clearly, he must dispose of these feelings before they cause damage to his relationships and the team as a whole. He's used to dealing with things by himself, but is this something he can do alone? Is it something he can do at all? WARNING: Klance. Minor Sheith Shallura. Some OOCness. COMPLETE
1. Delusional

Keith exited his room with a yawn, starting towards the dining room for breakfast. He'd normally be much more alert in the mornings, but lately he'd been a bit restless and struggled to sleep. No one else complained of similar troubles, and so Keith hadn't mentioned it to anyone, not usually one to show signs of weakness. He liked to deal with his problems on his own, and he'd gotten pretty good at it while living in his little shack. But sleepness nights were not on the list of things he could solve quickly, and that didn't seem like it was going to change anytime soon.

He entered the dining room to find Hunk already eating, something unusual since Keith was normally one of the first ones awake. Hunk simply waved to him as he passed, and Keith returned the gesture, happy that Hunk hadn't questioned him. It appeared the larger paladin had prepared his own meal, as it looked a lot tastier than what Coran might have made. He was going to ask Hunk if there was any more, but upon sighting him, Coran had quickly disappeared and returned with one of his normal multicolored globs of nutrients, and Keith couldn't turn the man down.

Pidge passed through the dining room moments later, some strange looking device in her hand. She grabbed a handful of Hunk's food and left again, probably to tinker around some more. She'd become increasingly reclusive in the past couple of days, but Keith thought nothing of it. He too went through phases where he was antisocial for a period of time, but it never lasted. Humans are social creatures by nature, and even people who isolate themselves in the middle of nowhere craved some sort of interaction eventually.

Shiro entered moments later, smiling at his comrades. Keith marveled at his leader's ability to light up a room with a single look. He was strong, caring, and (Keith would never admit this aloud) attractive. Shiro accepted Coran's mystery dish and sat down next to Keith. He seemed to scan the room and think for a moment, his smile fading to a confused expression.

"Where's Pidge?"

"Somewhere with a bunch of gadgets and a handful of my food." Hunk sounded very displeased.

"Does she still seem distant to you guys?" Shiro was always concerned.

"I don't know. I don't understand women." Hunk shoved another mound of food in his mouth.

"She's probably just thinking too hard. I think we should just give her space." Keith joined the conversation if only to have an excuse not to finish Coran's food.

Shiro didn't look convinced, but Hunk made a grunt of agreement as he continued to gorge himself. Keith wasn't entirely sure why Shiro felt inclined to look after Pidge the way he did. There is a fine line between a leader and a father figure, and Pidge already has a father. It wasn't just Pidge that he acted this way with either; Shiro took it upon himself to look after all his fellow paladins in a sometimes annoyingly parental manner. Keith wondered where the desire to take care of others came from.

"Are you alright? You still look a little sleepy."

 _Exhibit A._

"I'm fine."

"You'd say you were fine even if you were on fire." Keith almost jumped at this, not realizing that Lance had entered the room. Hunk chuckled at the statement, and Keith refused to look in Lance's direction. Regardless if he would admit it or not, he _was_ too tired to deal with anyone's antics.

"Goodmorning, Lance." Keith couldn't help the sound of disdain that seeped into his voice.

"Morning." He took a swig of Hunk's drink, who at this point had given up on keeping any of his food to himself, "Are we still on for later?"

"I'll meet you in the training room after lunch."

"Cool. Don't forget to bring your A-game."

Keith didn't respond, making his way out of the dining room. He probably _should_ have been heading back to his room for some rest, but of course, the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He instead elected to take his lion out to fly. Allura had told them they could practice flying as long as they stayed close to the castle/ship and were always alert if she called them back in an emergency. Keith found it easier to organize his thoughts when he was flying or training, so he often filled his free time with improving his skills in both piloting and combat.

Besides his recent troubles with sleep, Keith had other thoughts plaguing his mind. One such thought was his current standing with Lance, which although had been rocky at the start and still occasionally unsteady, could be considered a friendship. Allura and Coran both stressed that they all must work as a team, so an improved relationship with Lance should have been good for everyone. And it was. Their arguments became friendly banter and hateful name calling became playful teasing, and the entire dynamic of the group was that much stronger.

But Keith knew it wasn't going to last. He was certain of it. And the only person he had to blame was himself. He'd let himself get too comfortable. Dropped his guard down just a tensy bit, and in slithered a vicious beast that made a nest in his mind. He found himself craving more time with Lance, to abolish the platonic relationship and engage in something more romantic, more passionate. Of course, with Lance's constant flirtatious behavior towards Allura (and even any random alien girl with the slightest bit of charm), it was very clear that Lance did _not_ desire the same thing Keith did.

He _had_ to eradicate these thoughts. Did he think they were impure? No. Was he ashamed of them? Not in the slightest. Did he fear being rejected and shunned? Nope. He could handle it. Keith understood and accepted himself, and made no effort to change. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't matter if he had feelings for a guy who would never like him back. He could distance himself from the situation and get over it. But he shared a home with Lance, so avoidance was impossible. Keith had hoped the feelings would still die out anyway, but those hopes were the only things that faded.

Keith couldn't do it. He knew what the results would be if he just let the feelings fester. He'd begin to subconsciously resent Allura, something that seemed impossible. She was sweet, but commanding, and treated everyone with respect. But she was also a beautiful female, and the object of Lance's affection. Keith felt himself growing more and more bitter with every bad line or gesture Lance threw her way. It wasn't her fault, but he couldn't shake away the prickles of envy.

Try as he might, he'd only come up with one solution to his dilemma, and it wasn't one he'd choose if he had other options. He could think of nothing else, and didn't dare ask anyone for advice. He hadn't felt so attracted to Lance until they'd become more friendly, so he'd come to the conclusion that things could go back to normal if they no longer were on good terms. The team might suffer from that, but not as much as the alternative. Keith knew he couldn't just be outright mean to Lance, and he didn't think he could if he wanted too. So he'd come up with a different method.

Lance had told him about being "neck and neck" while back at the academy. While Keith wasn't so sure if this was true, it was clear that Lance considered himself a worthy opponent. This was the key to solve all his problems. If he constantly proved himself superior to Lance, be it while sparring or on the battlefield, Lance would break off the friendship. It helped slightly that Lance was a bit immature at times, so he'd be more likely to get upset at being bested or "one-upped". Hopefully his constant failure would be enough to drive a wedge between them, thus allowing Keith to return to his existence without pining after his fellow paladin.

Keith brought his lion back into its bay, and headed for his room. As predicted, flying had helped him organize his thoughts. However, he couldn't fool himself. His "plan" was, to put it nicely, _ridiculous_. If he'd explained it to someone aloud they'd probably think he was insane. The most practical solution to his problem was communication, but, as previously stated, Keith liked to do things alone. So, he went back to his room and removed his helmet and uniform, and dressed appropriately for training. _Delusional plan to get Lance to hate me, begin._

Instead of going to the dining room for lunch, Keith decided to head to the castle's main control room. He had a few questions about the abilities and limits of the training room, and hoped to find Coran for some answers. The male Altean was elsewhere, and instead the room was occupied by Allura and Shiro, engaged in a hushed discussion. They went quiet when Keith entered, but seemed to relax when they realized it was him.

"Keith, I'm glad you're here. We're worried about Pidge." Keith approached them, thanking his lucky stars he hadn't walked in on something intimate happening between them. Although that would have been awkward, sometimes Keith wished Allura would fall madly in love with Shiro, leaving Lance all freed up. _That still wouldn't make him interested in me, but at least he'd stop flirting with her._

Allura looked more concerned of the two, and Keith wondered if she picked up on something the rest of them had missed. "She's spending all her time alone, and she doesn't even look at me when I try to talk to her. I'm worried she may be….hiding something from us. I thought she'd feel comfortable opening up to me..." Allura was clearly taking this to heart, and Keith didn't know what to say to that.

Shiro didn't either, simply placing a hand on her shoulder and turning his attention back to Keith. "I know you said to give her space, but I'm not so sure this is the time for that. She's got a lot on her mind….we just don't know how to talk about it with her. Sometimes she'll come to me; my involvement with her family makes it easier I guess. But not this time, and this is the most she's ever secluded herself."

"Maybe she's just working really hard on another one of her upgrades." Keith tried to be optimistic. The other two didn't seem to buy into it. _What were they so worried about? Sometimes people hit a rough patch, but it passes, even if you don't deal with it. It'll come back every now and then, but you get through it. What's the big deal?_

And then Keith figured it out. Inner turmoil doesn't just affect you, but everyone around you, _especially_ the people who care about you the most. The bigger the toll it takes on you, the worse it is for them too. You might be strong enough to take it; you've gotten used to it as it comes and goes. But the people around you don't understand, and every second they watch you struggle burns them to the core, because if you don't tell them what's wrong, you are extending your own helplessness onto them.

And if Keith didn't stop suffocating his feelings and trying to dispose of them, the next conversation like this would be about him.

* * *

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	2. Maze

Since Keith had really only applied the current situation with Pidge to himself, he wasn't much help thinking up a solution. He was sure Shiro and Allura would come up with something. They always did. He, on the other hand, was at a loss for what to do next. He _could_ just ignore the obvious knowledge and continue to try and drown out his feelings; despite its difficulty and probably insane methods, Keith was more comfortable with that one. But even the most stubborn of people could realize that his original plan would probably just create more problems, and in the end, wouldn't get rid of his feelings anyway. So, he was left with one other option.

 _Talking about it._

With who? Lance made the most sense, seeing that he was directly involved in the situation. Try as he might, Keith couldn't picture Lance outright shunning him and never speaking to him again. But Keith was _not_ a fan of straight guy-gay guy relationships. In which said straight guy plays with the emotions of the gay guy with "harmless" flirting and excessive physical contact. Keith hated to make assumptions, but he could picture Lance as someone with enough of an ego to engage in….such behavior. Keith knew his limits, and that was beyond what he could handle. Even though he would know it wasn't real, a part of him would still want to believe.

He'd just end up embarrassing himself. And have to live with it. For who knows how long?

So, he wasn't telling Lance. He wasn't that close to Hunk, and Pidge seemed to have her own issues right now. He thought about telling Coran, but that would probably be more awkward than telling Lance. Allura was out of the question; he didn't want to make things hard on her, knowing every time Lance flirted with her it was having an effect on Keith. So of course, that left the obvious answer. Everyone's favorite space dad. Honestly, Keith didn't want to tell him either. _He'd probably just say I should talk to Lance anyway._

Back at square one. If he wasn't going to tell anyone, he needed another solution. Preferably one that wasn't a complicated system to get Lance to hate him. Keith made his way to the training room, confused at what to do next. The only reason he'd wanted to train with Lance was for his stupid plan to prey on Lance's immaturity. _What is wrong with me?_ Now he didn't really have an objective, and now wasn't really the best time to engage in physical contact with the object of his lust. _Too late to go back now._ Keith entered the automatic doors to find Lance already waiting for him. Lance was devoid of his jacket and was sporting a blue tank top, something Keith was _not_ prepared for.

"What took you so long? I didn't see you at lunch so I thought you already ate. Did I eat quickly for nothing?" Lance was clearly annoyed, crossing his arms and waiting for an answer.

"I was talking to Shiro and Allura. They're very concerned about Pidge."

"Oh." Lance's expression changed, reminded of their friend's withdrawn behavior. Keith saw yet another example of the impact of a person's problems on their friends. _At least I'm better at concealing it than Pidge is._ Keith discarded his jacket and adjusted his gloves, readying himself to spar. Lance said nothing else, taking a fighting stance as well. They started off slow, going back and forth, striking and dodging. Keith adored the way Lance slowly got more and more excited, his energy and speed increasing. He'd shout and make outrageous sounds with every attack, focusing less on his attacks and more on having fun. Keith couldn't stop himself from smirking, trying to hold his laughter in. Lance's ability to make a fool of himself but still be charming at the same time was something to envied.

However, Lance got too carried away, leaving himself wide open. With one swift move, Keith knocked Lance's feet out from under him, causing him to fall flat on his back. Keith allowed himself to catch his breath while Lance pouted on the floor.

"No fair! You cheater!"

"I wasn't cheating. You couldn't stop laughing at yourself. You threw off your own focus."

"What can I say? I crack myself up. And don't act like you weren't smiling. I saw you."

"I was smiling because it was so easy."

" _Sure you were._ Just admit it. You think I'm hilarious."

Keith avoided lying by not answering at all, extending his hand to Lance. Lance accepted it, and allowed himself to be pulled back up. Lance had a smug look on his face, and Keith allowed his hand to linger a bit too long before letting go. He cursed himself mentally. Forget Lance, he was torturing _himself_.

It was quiet for a minute, and Keith was unsettled by Lance's expression. He stared at Keith, and he looked like he was thinking. He was probably daydreaming about Allura, or maybe thinking of his family back home. Either way, it made Keith uncomfortable to be stared at.

"Uh...you wanna go another round?"

Lance's expression did not change. "Nah, I have a better idea. Let's try the invisible maze again."

"What? Last time we did that you kept yelling at me."

"I know, but that was when I still hated you. I wanna try again." Lance's casual way of saying the word hate made it difficult to understand what he meant. Had he actually hated Keith before? What did he think of Keith now? Why couldn't Keith just ask him those things without feeling weird? And why in the world did he want to try the invisible maze again?

"Ok. Do you want me to be in the maze this time?"

"Nope. I want you to guide me like last time."

"Are you actually going to listen?"

"Have I ever not?"

" _Yes._ "

"Whatever, let's just do it! I trust you."

Keith couldn't tell if he was blushing, but looking at the genuine smile on Lance's face only made it worse. "Oh, ok." Keith made his way up to the booth where he could guide Lance. He started up the maze program and turned on the intercom. "Can you hear me?"

Lance responded with a thumbs up.

"Alright, take two steps forward and turn right."

Lance did as instructed, following every direction perfectly. Keith was extra careful too. It hadn't occurred to him that Lance wasn't wearing his uniform, so the shock would probably be more painful on his bare skin. But they successfully made it through every turn without injury, and when Lance reached the end, it made a little "ding ding ding" sound. Keith watched shyly as Lance jumped and whooped for joy. He hated how easy it was for him to forget all logic and reason when Lance was around. What happened to everything he'd been worrying about minutes ago? _Evaporated._

Keith descended from the booth to meet Lance, who gave him a high five and threw his arm around him.

"We make a great team! Who knew? Blue and red. Fire and ice. Working together to give Zarkon freezer burn!"

"Freezer burn?"

"That's all I could come up with on the spot. But whatever, us working together gives Voltron better coordination when you think about it. There should totally be a sports team for giant robots."

Keith couldn't fight back the grin that always graced his lips in the presence of Lance. Especially with said cute boy's arm around him. "You think so?"

"Yeah! I mean come on, can you imagine Voltron on a basketball court? Or a soccer field? We'd be wicked."

"If you say so." The pair had left the training room and were walking towards the main control room. Even though Lance's arm was clearly only there in a friendly way, Keith couldn't stop the little tiny fireworks that kept going off in his stomach. He felt pathetic, like a fifth grade girl crushing on a boy in her class. But he didn't care. The smile on Lance's face was equivalent to sunshine. Shiro could light up a room, but Lance could light up a life. Keith just wished that it was his.

But when they entered the control room, Keith was reminded that this would never be the case. Lance immediately left Keith's side, practically running over to Allura, probably with a pickup line ready. Allura was preoccupied at the moment, talking to a happier looking Pidge. _She's done it again. Pretty princess makes everyone feel better._ Refusing to be ignored, Lance inserted himself in between the two, earning himself a kick from Pidge who walked away, annoyed. Allura was clearly displeased, but Lance didn't seem to notice, instead leaning on the nearest surface in an effort to look cool.

Keith was more than upset at having his fantasy yanked out from under him and being thrust back into reality. It just wasn't fair. Why did _he_ have to be the one who fell in love with an impossible person? And why did he have to see him _everyday?_ And why did he have to flirt with Allura _everyday?_ Keith felt bitter and uncomfortable and turned right back around, out of the control room and down the hall. It became very apparent halfway to his room that someone was following him, but he ignored it and quickened his pace. This apparently didn't shake them off, and Keith didn't even enter his room when he reached the door.

He turned around to discover it was Shiro, and he wasn't in the mood for "space dad says" right now.

"Are you alright?"

" _Fine._ "

"Ok, you obviously aren't fine."

"I'm just irritated."

"Can I ask why?"

"No."

"Did you really think no one would notice that you walked in and left right away?"

"Didn't seem like anyone was too interested in me."

Shiro sighed, reaching a conclusion that he should have known all along.

"You know he's not doing it on purpose right? He doesn't know."

"What are you talking about?"

Shiro gave no verbal response, but his expression alone was enough to make Keith even more upset. He _so_ didn't need to hear what Shiro had to say about this right now. There was a reason he didn't want to tell him.

"Look, I don't need any advice from you, ok? I can handle it myself."

"Keith, storming out of the room isn't handling it. I just want to help."

"Don't you ever just mind your own business? First it's Pidge, now it's me? Why does it matter to you? Don't you have your _own_ stuff to deal with?"

"Keith." Shiro looked hurt, an expression that had no business being there. Keith felt a pang of remorse, but was too angry to do anything about it. He turned around and entered his room, the automatic doors closing behind him. Keith crawled into bed, resolving that now was the perfect time to catch up on his sleep. And also avoid his problems. _Whatever._

* * *

Hunk had decided to make dinner himself, insisting Coran give himself a "break". No one argued with him, and soon they were all at the table enjoying Hunk's delicious meal. All except Keith, who was nowhere to be seen. They all ate in a comfortable silence at first, everyone noticing his absence but not acknowledging it. Shiro kept watching the door, hoping to see Keith walk through at any moment. Despite his hopes, he knew this was highly unlikely. Ironically, it was Lance who first broke the silence.

"Where's Keith?"

"In his room. I don't think he'll be joining us." Shiro was still visibly upset from the earlier conversation.

Lance put down the utensil in his hand. "I don't think he ate lunch either."

Allura was _not_ ok with that. "What? Are you sure? Is he okay?"

"He seemed fine while we were training."

"Hmm. Maybe I ought to go talk to him. I happen to very good at helping people, right Pidge?" Pidge sank down in her seat, clearly embarrassed by the princesses remarks.

"Of course you are princess," Coran chimed in. "That's your duty to your people. It still applies here."

Shiro _really_ didn't think Allura should be the one to try and help right now. "I don't think that's such a good idea. Keith's pretty….self-sufficient. He likes it that way."

It was too late however, Allura was determined. "Well, he'll just have to get over it. There are no secrets on this team. I'll head to his room right after supper."

Shiro didn't bother arguing with her, and part of him hoped Keith would make something up. He wasn't sure how Allura would react to the news. Was that kind of thing normal in Altean society? Was it forbidden? He had a hard time picturing her being upset. Actually, he was more concerned she might get excited and want to tell Lance right away. Keith wasn't close with a lot of people, despite Shiro's efforts to change that. And he now worried it was only going to get worse.

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	3. Awkward Exchanges

Keith had only fallen asleep for about a half hour before he was once again lying awake. He faced the wall adjacent to his bed, his eyes eternally open and his mind swimming with unwanted thoughts. He ignored the hungry protests of his stomach, not having eaten since breakfast. Keith almost laughed at his own expense. _Maybe starving myself will fix my problems._

A knock came at his door, something he'd been expecting. He was so disappointed in himself for the way he'd been acting. He was creating unnecessary problems that _literally_ could affect the safety of the universe. It wasn't like him to show so much weakness, so much instability. But then again, he'd never been faced with a situation like this before. Even though he _really_ didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment, he knew just letting his bitterness boil wasn't helping anyone. He reluctantly pulled himself upright and gave a weak "Come in."

Keith had been expecting Shiro, and was planning on apologizing for what he said earlier, but instead was met with Allura. The motherly concern on her face made Keith increasingly uncomfortable. She stepped into his room and the doors closed behind her. Keith had zero idea what to say to her, so he just fiddled with his gloves, avoiding her gaze. He felt like a little kid who'd just been caught drawing on the walls. _But I wasn't drawing on it. I was just glaring at it because I'm pathetic._

"Your fellow paladins have informed me that you aren't eating. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just haven't been feeling well. It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Don't worry about me."

"Keith. You may have fooled the others but you can't fool me." She crossed the room and sat down on his bed next to him. Keith almost corrected her; he hadn't fooled Shiro either. _Guess I'm not any better at hiding things than Pidge is._ Allura's expression wasn't concern anymore, it was more like fascination.

"It's alright to admit it Keith. Everyone feels lonely from time to time."

Keith tensed up, not knowing if she was on to him or not. "...yeah."

"I've actually been meaning to tell you something for a while, but now's the perfect time!" Allura was beaming, excitement radiating from her smile. Keith on the other hand, was nearly having a nervous breakdown.

"Tell me what?"

"Well, I know it probably shouldn't be _me_ that tells you this, but I can't wait any longer! It's been plainly obvious to me for _weeks_ that Shiro has feelings for you. Romantic ones! You need not be lonely anymore!"

Keith would have smiled at Allura's enthusiasm if she had been talking about _anything_ else. She was grinning at him, waiting for him to react. It took Keith a moment to register what she had said, simply staring back at her like she was speaking a different language. Once it hit him, Keith felt himself begin to sweat. He'd never been in such an awkward situation in his life. On what basis had she come to this conclusion? Keith was certain there must have been some sort of misunderstanding.

"Sorry if this sounds rude, but I think you might be mistaken."

"Nope, there's no question about it. Haven't you noticed how he always checks up on you? He's constantly talking to me about how he wants to get you to open up to him. He says it's just to improve team relations, but he can't fool me! I don't know why humans are so evasive with their emotions."

"He's just trying to be a good leader. He checks up on all of us, not just me. I really don't think…"

"Why are you trying to deny it? Do you not find him attractive?"

Keith didn't give her a verbal response, but his expression must have been telling. Allura's smile only widened, and she let out a soft giggle Keith had never heard from her before.

"I'm telling you, he worries about you _much more_ than anyone else. And frankly, you're one of the most skilled, so he should be _less_ worried if anything. He's got a soft spot for you. Aren't you a lucky one?" Allura clearly believed she spoke the undeniable truth, and her persuasiveness did NOT make Keith feel any better. He was already struggling with his own feelings, and now there might possibly be a whole other party involved? Keith's stress level went through the roof, and there was only one cure for that.

"I think I'm gonna go train for a while."

"Oh no you don't. Not until you've eaten something." Concerned Allura was back.

The pair exited Keith's room and made their way down to the kitchen. Although Keith was capable of helping himself, the princess insisted on preparing a plate for him, probably just to make sure he actually ate. Despite the fact that she'd mostly caused him more problems, Keith appreciated how much effort she was putting in to help him. It was reassuring to know that people care.

"You're not leaving this spot until that plate is empty. I can't have my paladins starving themselves."

"Uh….can I ask-"

"Don't worry, Hunk made dinner tonight."

That was also reassuring.

Keith ate in silence for a moment, Allura fetching them both something to drink. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he hadn't seen or heard anyone in the halls, so he guessed it was late. The concept of time was very different than back on Earth. It was technically always dark out in space, so they only had digital clocks to rely on. Of course, they ran on Altean time, so there was confusion either way. Keith scanned the kitchen for one of said clocks, but found none. Instead, his eyes fell back on Allura, who was looking at him like she was waiting for something.

"Soooo?"

"So….what?"

"What are you going to do about Shiro? It's obvious that he's too shy to admit his feelings to you. You'll just have to drag it out of him. I can help you if you like! We could-"

Keith didn't even want to hear what she had planned. "Thank you, but that's really not necessary. I still don't think…" He trailed off as the kitchen doors opened, revealing the man of the hour himself, Shiro. Keith could _feel_ the smug expression on Allura's face as she greeted the black paladin. She quickly finished the rest of her drink.

"Well, I'm going to go….run some tests on the castle's power systems. Glad you're feeling better Keith. See you two later." She was out the doors in a flash, and Keith was _once again_ thrust into a very awkward situation. He focused all his attention on eating, but unfortunately, his plate was practically empty.

"So, she came to talk to you, huh?"

"Yep."

Shiro could clearly sense that Keith was uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I tried to talk her out of it. She just really thought she could help."

"It's fine. It was my fault anyway. I was being dramatic."

"No you weren't. It's ok to be upset." Keith could hear the smile in his words.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"That was my fault. I should have given you space. It's just so hard when it's you."

Keith really hoped he wasn't visibly shaken by that. "Why?"

"I don't know. You're just," Shiro scratched the back of his neck, and Keith wanted so badly to be back in his room. "You're usually not so expressive I guess."

"Oh"

Keith took care of his plate and returned to finish his drink. He tried not to look at Shiro, afraid to see something in his eyes that would make things harder on him. Keith felt stupid, this was probably just a normal conversation and he was only feeling weird because someone _made_ it weird. He didn't know whether to blame Shiro for being so protective, Allura for telling him, or himself for thinking it was true. He finished his drink, and he was prepared to end this conversation and go train. Shiro, however, had a few more questions.

"So what did you tell her?"

"Nothing. I said I wasn't feeling well."

"And?"

"She told me something ridiculous."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not important."

"Well, if you would have just talked to _me_ about this whole thing with Lance, you could have avoided that whole conversation."

"I don't have a _thing_ about Lance. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to train."

"Why won't you just give me a chance, Keith? All I want to do is help."

Keith turned around before leaving, looking directly into Shiro's eyes. There was genuine caring there, and something deeper below the surface. "I don't need help" was all he replied before storming off down the hall. He made a mental note to cover his ears the next time Allura said she had something to tell him and he made his way towards the training room. If there was ever a time to blow off steam, it was now.

However, upon entering, Keith quickly realized that he wasn't going to be very successful. _Of course,_ he'd picked the one time that Lance was currently in the middle of target practice. He watched the other boy firing his gun sporadically and destroying the virtual targets. He felt a familiar smile creep back up as he watched Lance jumping from side to side, energetic as always. It didn't cross Keith's mind until Lance turned around and noticed him that he probably shouldn't have just been standing there _watching_ him. Lance removed his helmet and gave Keith a smirk.

"If you watch close enough, you might learn a few things."

"I'm not interested in learning exotic dance, but thanks anyway."

"It's called a victory dance! Maybe you'd have one if you won as much as I do."

"Hmmm, I don't remember seeing a victory dance this morning. Oh, that's becau-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keith is _sooo_ much better at fighting than Lance."

"I wouldn't say that. I'm just more focused."

"Oh, yeah. You were pretty _focused_ alright."

Keith didn't like the way that sounded. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Just making an observation." Lance's expression showed some sort of pride, and Keith told himself he didn't know what it meant. He didn't want to deal with _any_ of this. He didn't care if he didn't sleep all night; he was going back to his room and _staying there._

"On second thought, I'm feeling a little tired." Keith turned around and started towards the door.

"Wait, are you ok? How come you weren't at dinner?"

Keith didn't turn around. "I just ate a minute ago. Goodnight." The doors slid shut before he could listen for a response. Keith mentally cursed himself for all the blunders he made today. Was it all in his head? Was he overreacting and making assumptions at every turn? Or was everything he feared actually happening? _My brain can't process this all at once._

He reached his room and plopped into bed. His mental exhaustion allowed him to finally fall sound asleep.

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	4. Bad to Worse

Breakfast had come and gone, and no one had seen a glimpse of the red paladin. Everyone knew there was _something_ going on, but no one spoke about it. There was a heavy sheet of tension that covered each one of them, and if Keith knew, he'd be kicking himself. This was exactly the kind of thing he'd wanted to avoid, although honestly, he couldn't take all the blame for this one. He might be the one with the problem, but his friends each had their own idea of what that problem was and how to deal with it. And just about everything that had happened so far had only made things worse.

Shiro was clearly affected by this the most, and Allura took this as confirmation that her theory was true. She couldn't understand why humans had to make things so complicated on themselves. If you feel a certain way, you just say it, right? It's not like you can help it, so why not just get it out in the open? Was that against an Earth custom? _Well, they're not on Earth anymore._ Allura felt slightly annoyed that she was having to do _all_ the work to get these two together, but kept reminding herself it would be better for everyone in the end. She found Shiro still lingering in the dining room, and the disappointed look on his face when he saw her was a dead give away that he was hoping to see Keith.

 _We all want him to come out and eat, but you're the only one who stuck around waiting. Don't even try to deny this._

"Ok Shiro. Enough with the standing around and waiting. It's time to take action."

"Forgive me princess, but it's just not that simple."

"Oh yes it is! His room is right down the hall! Just go."

"I don't think he wants to talk to me."

"He's just scared, that's all. That might partly be my fault."

"Why?"

Allura gave a sheepish smile, and Shiro felt his anxiety rising. What could she have possibly done to make Keith not want to talk to him?

" _Well,_ I kind of told him an observation I've made. And it's a very _solid_ observation, so don't question me."

"And this observation was?"

"Oh come on Shiro. We both know your obsessive way of worrying about him doesn't just come from being a leader. Anyone with eyes can see there's more to it than that."

Allura knew she was being blunt, but she also knew humans didn't like it when people avoided the point. What did they call it? Beating around the shrubbery? Something strange like that anyways. Regardless, Shiro's expression was somewhere between shock and embarrassment. Allura felt bad momentarily; she hadn't meant to make him upset. She watched as the black paladin turned away from her and sat down at the table, placing his head in his hands. _Maybe this runs deeper than I thought._ _Am I doing more damage to the team than help?_ Maybe there was a reason humans kept their feelings hidden. Maybe they were inept at dealing with them.

It was silent for a hefty minute, and Allura was too uncertain to break the silence. Finally, Shiro spoke his inner thoughts aloud.

"Why does he push me away?"

She had never heard the man sound so _defeated._ This wasn't ok. He was the leader, the head of Voltron. This had to be dealt with _now._ If only she knew more about the human psyche. She had once thought them to be very simple creatures, but it was abundantly clear to her now that each one was different and complex beyond belief. How their society functioned at all is a mystery.

"I can't give you an answer for that. And I'd tell you to forget it if I didn't know how much it meant to you. But it's very clear to me that you feel very strongly about him, and I can't stand to see you suffer anymore. He's struggling too, Shiro. You just need to show him you understand."

"What do you think I've been trying to do?" There was a slight edge to his voice that Allura hadn't heard before. She didn't take attitude from anyone, and she wasn't going to start now.

"Well apparently you haven't been trying hard enough because you've made no progress whatsoever. I want you to be happy, Shiro. But if you're not going to help yourself and make it happen, then maybe you don't deserve it." Allura kept a strong glare as the black paladin looked up to face her. His stare was intense, but she could feel the emotions welling up behind those eyes. She had already won.

Shiro couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did she really think everything was so simple? Maybe it seemed that way to her, but she didn't know the full story. He was the only one who paid close enough attention to Keith to understand how he was feeling. And it tore Shiro up inside to know that Keith had a strong desire for someone that wasn't him. It made him angry, and Shiro prided himself on never feeling such intense rage. But he couldn't deny the way his fists clenched when he thought about how Lance isn't worthy of Keith's affections.

Shiro was their leader, and he didn't think badly of Lance. In fact, Shiro was fairly certain that with anyone else inside the blue lion, the team wouldn't be half a strong as it is now. But ever since he first laid eyes on Keith, he was so certain he'd found someone who could understand him. Someone he could tell all his secrets too and trust that they wouldn't abandon him. Someone _he_ could lean on while everyone else was leaning on him. Someone _he_ could come crying to when he was feeling down. There was no doubt in his mind that Keith could give that to him, and he was determined to make it a reality. Of course, he had other responsibilities, so he couldn't focus all his time on pursuing the red paladin. But he never thought that, in classic cliche fashion, the strong silent type would fall for the class clown.

Why would Keith do that to himself? Lance clearly wasn't going to return his feelings, and he knew Keith was smart enough to understand that. So why would set himself up to be thrown for a loop every time Lance decided to display his ladies man side? Did he really think one day Lance would change and realize he was into guys? Did he think he _deserved_ to feel that way? Shiro couldn't allow Keith to feel that way about himself. _Things could be so much better if he'd just let me show him._

Allura could tell Shiro was in deep thought, so she didn't try to extract any sort of response out of him. However, she didn't want to just stand there and stare at him, so she figured she'd give him time to process whatever was going on inside his head.

"Look, I know this is probably difficult for you, so I'm going to give you a little time. But I want this issue _resolved._ And I really don't want to have to do it myself. Understood?"

Shiro didn't look up at her, but gave a visible nod. As soon as she'd exited the room, he slammed his fist into the table. There was no _resolution_ to their current situation. Not one that would satisfy everyone, anyways. He was too upset to think rationally at the moment, feeling mixture of anger and hurt. He heard his own voice rattling around inside his head, arguing with itself.

 _Lance is to blame for this. He alone is responsible for the way Keith feels._

 _Am I really that unbearable that Keith would avoid me after hearing what Allura said?_

 _If Keith can't see that he clearly deserves better, then maybe he isn't as smart as I thought._

 _Why is Keith afraid to talk to me? Am I doing something wrong?_

 _Keith's low self esteem caused him to purposely seek out rejection. Pathetic._

 _I thought we understood each other so well. Was I not open enough?_

 _They're both pining after people who don't notice them. They deserve each other._

 _I need him. Why doesn't he need me?_

Shiro nearly slammed his head into the table trying to silence the voices. Allura was right, this couldn't go on any longer. It was only getting worse with each passing day. He just wished he knew what to do. This wasn't a problem Voltron could fight, but it was going to take teamwork and cooperation to solve. Unfortunately, in his current state, Shiro was more likely to scream at someone than to talk things through with them. He needed to give himself time to cool down. This was why he needed Keith. He needed someone to tell him everything was going to be ok. He pictured himself slipping into Keith's room and cuddling up against the younger man, just telling him everything he was feeling as Keith ran his fingers through his hair.

His fantasy was interrupted by Hunk and Lance entering the kitchen. The pair was laughing boisterously about something, paying no mind to their leader who was clearly in distress. Shiro desperately tried to pull himself together. No sense in getting anyone else involved, even though Lance was practically knee deep in this anyway. Hunk eventually went through to the kitchen to make a snack, and Lance plopped down next to Shiro. He felt his anger rising, and did his best to douse the flames. Now is not the time for an outburst.

"Sup, Shiro. Where you been all morning?"

"Here. Allura was here a minute ago. We've just been discussing things."

"Leader junk right? Lucky. You probably get to have more one on one time with her than any of us. Well, except maybe Pidge, but that's not really the same thing. You two aren't being _unprofessional_ when no one is around, are you?"

Shiro closed his eyes, if for no other reason than to avoid rolling them. "No."

"I figured as much. She would never do that to me." Lance's egotistical statements usually made Shiro grin, but right now, he didn't really wanna hear it. He was going to excuse himself, but Lance kept talking. "You seen Keith yet today?"

"Not yet."

"Man, he's been acting really weird lately. I feel kinda bad because I think I know why."

"Oh really? Enlighten me." Shiro wasn't holding himself back anymore, and Lance noticed the obvious venom in his leader's words. He'd never heard that tone from him before, and it frightened him. However, Lance didn't want to let his fear show, so he tried to act natural.

"Well, you see….I'm not like one hundred percent on this….but I'm pretty sure he's got a thing for me. I can't really blame him; I'd want this too if I had to see it everyday. But in all seriousness, I think he's just confused about it or something. It's actually kinda funny to watch him get all flustered. It's sorta become my new hobby."

Too bad Lance didn't know more about what was really going on, otherwise he might have expected the fist that flew into his face mere seconds after uttering that last sentence. He was caught completely off guard and found himself knocked out of his chair and colliding with the floor, the room spinning around him. Luckily, Hunk picked the right time to return, abandoning the food in his hands to stop an advancing Shiro. He hadn't the slightest clue what the hell was going on but he was pretty sure it was about to get worse. Despite Shiro's strength, Hunk was able to hold him off until Coran entered the kitchen and removed a half conscious Lance from the floor. Shiro stormed off immediately afterwards, leaving Hunk more confused than ever.

* * *

Keith finally emerged from his room when the protests of his stomach became too loud to ignore. He was hoping to successfully retrieve food and return to his room without being seen, and he made it to the kitchen undetected. He was past the point of caring if the others were worried about him or not. They'd get over it when he got over it, and the only way to do that was to keep himself isolated until he could cope properly. Was that the best way to do it? Probably the farthest thing from it, but Keith didn't have the energy to feel bad about it. He was _so_ ready to put the whole situation behind him and move on being a defender of the universe, which was easier than dealing with his feelings. Backwards as _hell_ , but true.

He was leaving the kitchen when he ran into Pidge in the hallway. He'd been spotted, but at least it wasn't one of the main three responsible for the disaster going on inside his head. He had hoped she'd be too preoccupied to notice him, but she instead looked like she was thankful to have finally found him.

"Has anyone told you about what happened earlier?"

Keith could only imagine. "No."

"Well, long story short, Shiro decked Lance in the face and neither of them are talking so nobody knows why."

Keith felt like passing out.

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	5. Clean Up the Mess

Keith had tried unsuccessfully to extract more details from Pidge. The truth was, she didn't know anything else. According to her, the only person to witness the event was Hunk, and he hadn't heard or seen what took place prior to the assault. Keith _really_ hoped it was just Lance being extra annoying and Shiro being in a bad mood or something. Unfortunately, Shiro was almost _never_ in a bad mood. Keith viewed him as a strong and worthy leader, and punching one of his fellow paladins was the _last_ thing he'd expect from Shiro. Despite the fact that he wanted to be wrong, Keith was almost certain the confrontation had something to do with him. There was a small part of him that _begged_ to find out they were fighting over Allura, but that was wishful thinking.

He was the only one who would be able to fix this. And he _really_ didn't want to.

Keith turned down the corridor that led to Lance's room. _Tend to the wounded first, I suppose._ He wasn't sure exactly what to say, and he was almost afraid to hear what Lance would say. If he told him _anything_ , that is. It was very possible that he'd have to go to Shiro to get any information at all. Keith stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for whatever was about to go down. He knocked twice, and took Lance groaning as a sign to enter. He found the blue paladin propped up in his bed, holding an ice pack over the side of his face. Lance didn't look up at him when he entered. _Not a good sign._

"Uh….how are you doing?"

"How do I look like I'm doing?"

"Why aren't you in one of the pods?"

"It's just a bruise. Coran says it probably wouldn't heal me any faster than normal anyway."

"Oh."

Keith stood uncomfortably in the doorway, unsure what else to say. Lance could sense his nerves and instantly felt bad. Keith had come to check on him, and he'd made him feel awkward about it. He thought he was never going to understand the red paladin, but little by little, he felt like he was figuring him out.

"You can come in." Lance tried his best not to sound like he was annoyed. Keith stepped further into the room, still looking a bit uneasy. Lance slid himself more upright and turned so his legs hung over the side of his bed. He patted the spot next to him, and inwardly chuckled at how slowly and carefully Keith moved to sit down. _When taming a wild Keith, one must be gentle._

"I almost didn't believe it when I heard. Has Shiro ever acted like that towards you before?"

"No way. He's usually….well, you know what he's like. But he was really tense, like before I even said anything. I definitely pissed him off though. I guess it was just the wrong place at the wrong time."

Lance knew the question was inevitable. "What did you do?"

Even though he knew it was coming, he didn't exactly know what he was going to say in response. He couldn't tell him the truth. Especially not now, after he'd come in person to see him. In hindsight, he probably should have just kept it to himself. Even if Shiro hadn't been in a bad mood, he probably would have given Lance a lecture about how it isn't ok to mess with people's emotions. Which, just in case anybody got the wrong idea, Lance agreed with (cough cough Nyma). But that _soooo_ wasn't what _he_ was doing. And so he _shouldn't_ have to explain that.

"Honestly, I don't wanna talk about it."

"I can respect that."

"Well I know _you_ can, Mr. Skips Meals to Avoid People."

"Hmmm, I thought a bump to the head would have helped your brain function _better,_ not worse."

"TOO SOON! I still have the ice pack!"

Keith laughed openly, and Lance grinned despite himself. _I'm the only one who makes him laugh. No wonder he's so into me._ Lance only wished he had the same effect on girls, preferably alien princesses whose bedroom was of _easy access._ His bruise began to sting, and he applied more pressure to the ice pack. Keith noticed this and his smile faded, remembering his friends pain. He still felt responsible even though Lance hadn't mentioned anything about him. He knew there was only one way to get _real_ answers, but he was reluctant to leave Lance's side. This was what he'd been dreaming of, minus a the measurable space between them. And the bruise. Probably.

Keith was staring, and Lance told himself it should have been weird. But he just stared back, knowing there was more he should be saying. Should it have bothered him that Keith seemed so enchanted by him? Why was he so cool about it? Lance had always been a pretty laid back guy, but wasn't there a part of him that should reject this kind of behavior? Maybe back on Earth there was, but things were different out here. _He_ was different out here. And everything that had once been his life was _wayyy_ far away.

Apparently, his staring _did_ make Keith uncomfortable. The red paladin turned away from him quickly (to hide his blushing cheeks, Lance liked to think) and got up off the bed. He started towards the door but turned around to offer an explanation.

"I should probably go and see Shiro. Hope you're a fast healer." And just like that, he was gone.

Keith made his way towards Shiro's bedroom, trying not to let his mind linger on Lance. Shiro was probably going to need his full attention, and he was also a little weary of getting punched himself. His reflexes were better than Lance's, but he doubted he'd be able to take on Shiro if no one came to his rescue. Once again, he took a deep breath and knocked. There was no response this time, but Keith knew he was there.

"It's Keith."

A moment of silence, and then a quiet "Come in."

The doors slid open and Keith's stomach dropped. Shiro was seated on his bed, elbows resting on his knees and head resting in his hands. It hurt to see someone you look up to be so broken. It hurt even more when you were responsible. _You don't know that yet. It could have been anything._ Keith continued to allow himself slight denial as he crossed the room and sat down next to Shiro. Part of him wanted to comfort his friend, while the other part wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. But even the most impulsive of people would know now is not the time for violence. Keith decided he'd wait for Shiro to explain himself. _If you're going to punch my boyfriend I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's ok._

Keith was willing to overlook his use of the word _boyfriend_ because he was in the middle of a traumatic situation. Yep, that's it.

Shiro wasn't having a breakdown like his position may have suggested. True, he was angry at himself for what he'd done. He _didn't,_ however, wish he could take it back. He never let his emotions get so out of hand that he'd resort to violence, but his desire for Keith outweighed reason. He held his head in his hands simply to avoid looking up at Keith. He was ashamed, and he knew seeing those eyes would tear him apart. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment, the anger, the _rejection._ All he'd tried to do was defend Keith, and now it probably only pushed him further away.

There was only one thing he could think of to say.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't think it's me who deserves an apology right now."

"Yeah, well, he's not going to get one." Shiro picked his head up, looking straight ahead.

"Why not?" Keith leaned forward, trying to get Shiro to look at him.

Shiro saw it coming and stood up quickly, turning away from Keith towards the wall. He couldn't do it. It would _destroy_ Keith if he told him what Lance said. Would that drive him into Shiro's arms? Or would it drive him into depression? It was too big of a risk. He can barely stand seeing him pining after someone else; Shiro would probably die if Keith hit rock bottom. He tried to keep a strong stance, hide all the emotion he was feeling inside. But Keith would not be ignored.

"Shiro, just talk to me. Lance wouldn't tell me what happened, but if it has something to do with me, I deserve to know." Keith was more commanding and less concerned, standing up and approaching Shiro.

Keith placed a hand on Shiro's shoulder, and the taller man spun around and threw his arms around Keith. The black paladin buried his face in Keith's shoulder, if for no other reason than to be close to him. Keith almost stumbled backwards at the sudden weight. He hugged Shiro back, and they stood there like that for a moment. _This isn't exactly an explanation, Shiro._ Eventually, he released his tight grip and moved his hands up to Keith's shoulders, holding him in place. Keith was met with Shiro's saddened eyes, not knowing how to react _at all_.

"The only reason I did anything was because I can't _stand_ the thought of you getting anything less than you deserve, Keith. Don't you understand? I _need_ you. In a universe full of problems, you're what keeps me going. You just…" Shiro loosened his grip and began to look away. "Am I not what you want?"

Keith made a mental note to never underestimate Allura's intuition ever again. Oh, and also: _what is happening._ Shiro returned his gaze to Keith, his eyes eager for acceptance. Keith had never seen him so vulnerable; his entire well being was at his mercy. It was clear what he had to do. Regardless of how he felt, he needed to give Shiro the answer he wanted. There was no way they could ever form Voltron or accomplish anything if Shiro was an absolute _wreck_. He was going to call it "taking one for the team", but that usually implied doing something unwanted.

Shiro _clearly_ wasn't lacking in the looks department, and Keith couldn't deny it felt nice being embraced by all those muscles. Sure, he was a bit unstable, but Keith wasn't perfect either when it came to that. It was abundantly clear that he really cared about Keith, and it felt good to be so desired. Maybe even a little _too_ much. Really the only reason he hadn't thought about it before was because he viewed Shiro as their leader, someone to look up too and have a professional relationship with. Things hadn't exactly worked out that way.

And then there was Lance. Keith's secret love for him hadn't gone anywhere. It actually ended up giving Lance a black eye. Unfortunately the fight was most likely one sided; Lance would never fight for his affections. Keith had to face facts. Lance was never going to come around. It just didn't work that way. Maybe this would be good for him. He could distance himself from Lance and maintain their friendly relationship at the same time.

Plus, Keith was pretty sure this was the only way he was going to get Shiro to apologize.

"I'm yours." Keith smiled, and Shiro gave him his first real kiss.

* * *

Allura slipped into Lance's room, eager to help smooth things out. When she told Shiro to resolve the issue, this was NOT what she had in mind. But, as they say on Earth, all's well that ends well. It would have been nice if one of her paladins hadn't been roughed up in the process, but as long as nothing like this _ever_ happened _again_ , the princess was content. Lance straightened up at her arrival, trying to look cool despite his ice pack. Allura was either oblivious or pretended to be, deciding not to sit down next to him and just give him the news.

"Looks like the swelling has gone down. That's good."

"Speaking of swel-"

" _Anyways_ , I just came to tell you that this whole ordeal should be over by tomorrow. Shiro should be back to his usual self and ready to apologize, thanks to Keith."

"Oh yeah? How'd he manage that?"

"Well, _I_ told him about Shiro's obvious longing for him, and it looks like they _finally_ got together! I was talking about it with Pidge, and she told me I was "fan-girling". It's just so exciting!"

"Keith and _Shiro_?"

"Oh, don't act surprised. Even you must have seen that coming."

"No, actually I didn't." And for some reason that Lance couldn't understand, the thought of those two together made a knot in his stomach.

And when Allura mentioned kissing, it only got bigger.

* * *

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	6. Jealousy

Lance stood impatiently in the control room as instructed by Allura. Despite the fact that he'd told her Shiro didn't really need to apologize, she insisted he wait there until the black paladin came and fixed the situation. Of course, Lance could have told her what he'd said to Shiro, but then she might make _him_ apologize. So instead, he stood there twiddling his fingers, glancing over at the two Alteans as they performed check ups on the castle. He'd tried to talk Hunk and Pidge into waiting in there with him, but Pidge was uninterested and Hunk bailed in favor of watching Pidge toy with leftover Galra tech. And probably, getting a second breakfast.

Lance grimaced as the doors slid open, and in came Shiro with Keith at his side. They were standing awfully close together, but separated when Shiro approached the blue paladin. Lance tried not to give off any feelings of resentment. Shiro stopped in front of him made heavy eye contact. "I'm sorry for attacking you yesterday. As your leader, it is my responsibility to set an example. I will strive to do better in the future."

Lance just really wanted this whole exchange to be over. "It's all good."

Shiro wasn't quite finished with him yet. He leaned in closer, speaking in a hushed voice. "I'm gonna make you a deal, Lance. I won't tell Keith about the little games you told me you like to play if you leave him alone from now on. We're a team, and we don't mess with each others heads."

The close proximity and deep tone of Shiro's voice intimidated Lance more than any form of violence ever could. "Deal." His voice sounded weak. _I thought Allura said things were going to be back to normal._

Shiro turned around without another word, returning to Keith's side. Lance tried to listen to what they were saying, but they were practically whispering to each other. Keith chuckled, and Lance nearly gasped when he saw them kiss. Allura had already told him about this, but now he was seeing it firsthand. He felt that knot in his stomach again, and he quickly made for the exit. He needed to vent, so he began making his way to where he knew he'd find Hunk and Pidge.

He tried to tell himself the knot was disgust. He tried to say it was because he didn't like seeing two guys kissing. But it was a lie, and Lance's mother always told him the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. The truth? He'd gotten so used to the idea of Keith pining after him. It didn't disgust him at all, if anything, he thought it was kinda _cute._ It was sort of an _attachment_ , so to speak. Not that Lance was into guys. Not a chance. He was a ladies man, always had been, always will be. It was just a little game. It didn't matter to him.

 _There you again with the lies._ Lance couldn't tell if the voice in his head belonged to his mother or himself, but it knew how he really felt. All he could do was wonder why. Why did it make him feel good to know Keith wanted him? Why did it hurt to see him with Shiro? Why hadn't he done anything to stop it? Lance hated this feeling. The feeling of knowing all the answers but telling yourself you don't have a clue. So what was the answer? How was he supposed to continue being apart of Voltron with everything as it was? He groaned out loud, finally finding his two friends.

"So, how did it go with the new power couple?" Pidge didn't look up from her work as she asked, but Hunk looked interested in the answer.

Lance was ready to lay it on them. "Shiro _barely_ apologized and instead decided to tell me to stay away from his new _boyfriend._ I mean, it's probably because he knows that Keith would totally choose me if he had the choice, but whatever. Shiro's just being so annoying about the whole thing. He thinks he's soooo tough and the _best_ thing _ever._ Well here's a news flash! You can't form Voltron without all five lions, so you aren't the only one who matters!"

Hunk hadn't been expecting any of that. "Woah, someone didn't get their beauty sleep."

Pidge wasn't as surprised. "First of all, Shiro doesn't think he's "the best thing ever". Second of all, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, why would Keith choose you over Shiro?"

" _Because_ he's been like, in love with me this whole time. You guys haven't noticed?"

Hunk shook his head. "Not really."

"Well, he has. And I may have been….feeding into it a little bit. And that's why Shiro punched me. Because he was jealous. As he should have been."

This time, Pidge did look up. "He _punched_ you…..out of _jealousy_?"

"Yep. Bitter, angry, jealousy."

Hunk wasn't convinced. "Doesn't sound like Shiro to me."

Lance scratched the back of his head. "I may have instigated a little bit."

Pidge chuckled. "Let me guess, it involves you saying something stupid."

Lance said nothing, deciding now would be a good time to admire the walls of the room.

"I'll take that as a yes."

" _Whatever,_ ok. Point is, he's being a major jerk about the whole thing. Keith and I are friends, so I'll do whatever I want. Shiro isn't the boss of me."

Hunk shrugged. "Eh, he's probably just being protective. It was obvious he'd been crushing on Keith for awhile now."

Pidge nodded. "Agreed."

"WHAT? Did everyone know about this but me?"

Hunk failed to contain his laughter. Pidge just rolled her eyes. "You tend to be painfully oblivious sometimes. And anyway, if you and Keith are such good _friends,_ then you should be happy for him and not fighting with his boyfriend."

Lance scoffed, crossing his arms. "I just know he'd be happier with me, that's all."

Pidge and Hunk exchanged glances. _Had they heard that right?_ The pair began to suspect that Lance was leaving out some very important details. When Hunk said nothing, Pidge decided it was up to her to figure it out. "So you're saying you _want_ Keith to be with you?"

Lance felt his face burning up at the suggestion. "Where did you get _that_ idea from?"

"That's basically what you just said."

Hunk chuckled again. "I think we all know who the _real_ jealous guy is here."

Lance pulled his already crossed arms tighter to his body. "Shut up." As his friends laughed at his expense, he began to seriously regret coming to them with this. When will he ever learn to keep his big mouth shut?

* * *

Keith spent the whole day at Shiro's side. He could tell the black paladin was still a bit on edge and wanted to do everything he could to help him regain control of himself. Keith couldn't imagine what it must have been like, kidnapped, separated from his friends, forced to fight in an arena. He didn't even want to think about his arm. It was a miracle that Shiro was able to be sane as much as he was, or at all even. How Shiro managed to be so positive and friendly was a mystery Keith would never solve.

At least, he thought he'd never solve it. From what Shiro had told him, the older man had been using Keith as a motivator since he'd met him. Keith was so flattered that he'd had such a profound effect on someone as great as Shiro, but it did worry him how much he knew Shiro would lean on him. Not that it was a bad thing. Shiro of all people _deserved_ to have someone to lean on. Keith just never thought it would be him. Did he really seem like such a warm and comforting kind of guy?

Currently, Shiro was dressed in his pajamas and sitting on his bed, waiting for Keith to join him. Keith found himself blushing openly, as Shiro apparently slept without a shirt. As enticing as the picture was, Keith wasn't jumping right in, head first. Regardless of how he felt about Shiro or anyone else, Keith hadn't ever been in a relationship like this before. Needless to say, he was a little scared. He didn't know what to expect or when to expect it, and he didn't know if it was ok to ask. "Don't make me come over there and get you." Shiro's tone was playful, and it made Keith start to sweat. He _really_ wasn't ready for this. He didn't think Shiro was planning on anything…. _extra…._ but even sharing a bed was moving too quickly for Keith. He felt awkward, something he couldn't stand in the slightest.

"I...think I'd rather sleep in my own bed tonight." Keith tried not to show his obvious discomfort.

Shiro simply smirked, standing up from his bed. "Aww, if you say so. I'm gonna miss you all night."

"I'll miss you too." Keith pretended not to notice his voice shaking.

"You're so cute when you're nervous." Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith, pulling him in close for a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too." Keith allowed Shiro to give him a peck on the lips before he made a hasty retreat. Once in the hall, he allowed himself to calm down. Despite the fact that Shiro made him feel like they'd been together for years, Keith had only had his first kiss yesterday, and he was still pretty uncertain about intimacy. Keith valued solitude, so this kind of thing wasn't really something he'd been expecting. _Well, that's not entirely true._ Keith had spent a few nights awake, thinking about a life with Lance.

 _No. I have to let that go. I'm with Shiro now._

Instead of going straight to his room, Keith decided to swing by the kitchen and get himself a glass of water. Hydration was important when dealing with intense situations, and with the amount of sweating he'd been doing, Keith would definitely say this qualified as intense. However, he regretted this decision as soon as he entered the kitchen, finding it already to be occupied. Keith really wished it would have been Hunk getting a midnight snack or Allura waiting to badger him about the details of his new romance. But as usual, fate wasn't on his side, and he was met with Lance. The blue paladin apparently also needed something to drink. What a coincidence.

Keith felt the urge to start a conversation. "Hi."

"Where's your other half?" Lance sounded bitter, and Keith didn't know what to make of that.

"He went to bed. I'm just getting something to drink." Keith noticed how Lance avoided looking at him, and quietly got his cup of water. When Lance gave no response, Keith addressed what he thought the problem was. "I'm sorry if Shiro's still acting weird around you. I'm trying to help smooth everything out as best I can."

And that was it for Lance. He couldn't stay angry, not with Keith around. Sweet Keith. Keith who came to check up on him after he'd been punched. Keith who laughed at his jokes and made him feel like the king of the universe. Keith, who _should_ be his. "It's cool. He's just being protective of you I guess. He's lucky to have you."

Keith felt himself light up. "You really mean that?"

Lance smiled despite himself. "It's the truth."

Keith embraced the butterflies in his stomach. "Thank you."

They finished their drinks in a comfortable silence, Keith mentally scolding himself for acting like a little girl. _You really mean that?_ How embarrassing. He was in a relationship now; he couldn't be sitting around letting Lance get him all flustered. But it was so hard. Keith felt himself wishing it was Lance asking him to lay in bed with him. He wanted so desperately for that first kiss to be with him, but that chance was gone now. He had to move on. _This is why it's not ok to have feelings._

"Well, goodnight Keith. We're still gonna hang out sometimes right?"

Keith nearly melted. This wasn't going to get any easier.

"Of course. Goodnight."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. I've been feeling kinda bleh lately, but I'm done with that, so get ready for more updates!**

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	7. Perspectives

Shiro wasn't proud of his recent actions towards Lance. If you would have told him about the current situation a week ago he would have been appalled at his own behavior. Despite the fact that he really should have felt more guilty, he didn't truly believe he deserved a lot of the blame. Keith hadn't exactly made things easy on him, though he could hardly be upset with him for that. Keith was a little ignorant when it came to this kind of stuff. His crush on Lance was a prime example. Lance _obviously_ wasn't going to like him back, but he kept on pining away and hurting himself. Regardless of his skill or discipline, it was clear Keith needed Shiro's guidance the most. And of course, Shiro needed Keith. No one else could possibly understand him at his weakest and still respect him as a leader. They both fed of each other, and Shiro was a little frustrated it had taken Keith that long to put two and two together.

But, after Lance confessed that he likes to lead Keith on in his free time, it all made sense. How was Keith supposed to see what was right in front of him when he was blinded by deception? And how did Lance live with himself knowing he was preying on someone who couldn't possibly understand what was happening? Shiro had never expected such foul behavior from Lance, but whether he continued to act that way or not, Shiro now knew that Lance had the capacity. And he couldn't risk Keith falling victim to that again. Telling the boy would crush him, so Shiro would have to pull the strings to keep him out of trouble. _He's just too foolish to know any better. That's why he needs me._

Shiro had been waiting in the dining room for Keith to have breakfast, hoping his now boyfriend would not continue to skip meals. Keith came at last, and Shiro greeted him with a warm hug. He loved how tense Keith would be at the sudden contact, slowly melting into the hug. Shiro didn't know why Keith was so nervous about touching him all the time. He guessed some people just had to be continuously coaxed out of their shells, even when in the company of familiar people. It sort of bugged him that Keith wouldn't even spend the night in his bed. Shiro prided himself on being trustworthy, and he hoped Keith knew that he'd never do anything they both didn't want. Shiro was a cuddly guy, and he just wanted some cozy one on one time. Why was Keith so opposed?

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. You?"

"As well as I could without you there."

"I'm sorry. I'm just not used to sharing a bed."

"Well you'll never know if you like it until you try." Shiro gave Keith his most swoon inducing smile.

Keith just shrugged and continued eating. _Not_ exactly the reaction Shiro had been hoping for. Before he could come up with something else (perhaps pouting), Allura and Pidge entered the dining room. Pidge slumped down in a chair across from Keith, nonchalantly typing away at her computer. Allura greeted the two boys, and then her expression changed as if she'd just remembered something.

"Shiro, I've got some new tests I want to run on the lions. Pidge has been helping me with some new software. Could you and your lion be my guinea pigs? I'm not entirely sure we can even make modifications, but it's worth a shot."

Shiro wasn't exactly thrilled about having to leave Keith's side, but he knew he couldn't say no. "Sure, let's go. I'll see you later, Keith." Shiro leaned in for a quick kiss, hating Keith's hesitance but loving his blush. He followed Allura out of the dining room and prepared himself for a conversation that was less about modifications and more about his relationship.

Keith gave an inward sigh of relief after the pair had left. Shiro had been much more overbearing than he'd originally anticipated. It wasn't that Keith didn't like spending time with him; he was just very unprepared for everything that came with being in a relationship. He felt so inexperienced compared to Shiro, wondering if he was even ready for this. It wasn't anything serious, right? It was just _casual._ Keith would have been lying if he said he knew what the difference was. He was still shocked at the sudden change, and adjusting was taking longer than he wanted. Granted, his ideal adjustment would have been instantaneous, but that obviously wasn't possible.

Pidge seemed to pick up on at least some of what Keith was thinking, raising an eyebrow and closing her computer. "Romance too much for you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"You look very overwhelmed."

Keith was embarrassed at how obvious he seemed to be. "It's just sort of unexpected."

"I knew he secretly had a thing for _you_. I didn't know you felt the same way. You seem more like a fighter than a lover."

"Truthfully, I am."

"Well, love is a battle all it's own."

"That's very wise, Pidge. Are you speaking from experience?"

"Actually I'm pretty sure I stole that from a book."

Keith smiled for the first time that morning. Pidge smiled too, reopening her computer. Keith was about to stand up and take care of his plate when the doors opened again, this time producing Lance. Keith's smile only brightened as he greeted his friend. That's right. His friend. Nothing else. Not a secret crush. Who looks flawless even after just waking up. As usual. But just a friend.

"Good morning Lance."

"Morning Keith. Morning Pidge."

The latter merely grunted in reply, now completely focused on her computer screen. Lance fixed himself a plate and Keith picked at what was left of his food to try and ignore the fact that he was lingering purposely. He did his best to hide the grin that appeared when Lance chose the seat next to him. He would have to learn to suppress these feelings _very_ soon. _Soon, but not now._ _Quitting cold turkey isn't good for you after all._

"So Keith, I was thinking about taking Blue out for a spin later. You and red are welcome to join us."

Keith should have been ashamed at the wildness of the butterflies in his stomach. "I mean I _guess_. Not sure if you'll be able to keep up though."

Lance flashed that competitive grin Keith loved so much. " _Excuse me?_ I don't think you have the qualifications for that much sass Mr. Drop Out."

"Whatever you say cargo boy. I'll see you out there." Keith took care of his plate and headed towards his room to fangirl alone. He'd need to mentally brace himself for extended time in Lance's company. And although Keith tried to hide it, he also was hoping to avoid Shiro in the process.

Lance watched Keith leave, still smiling at where he used to be. He still didn't know what to make of the whole situation, but he was glad Keith was still so open to hanging out with him. Shiro clearly hadn't started feeding him any vicious lies about Lance's "true nature" (even if there was just a _teeny_ bit of truth there) and he was content to keep it that way. Lance was very glad that Shiro had not been present in the dining room. Not only would he have been forced to keep his distance, but he would once again be faced with his growing jealousy. _There, I said it. I'm jealous. Slay me now._

Pidge suddenly became interested in other people again and decided to get Lance's perspective. "You shouldn't flirt with people who are spoken for."

"Let's not go there, _Pudge_."

"Fine. I was going to tell you something about Keith, but if you're going to be salty…"

"What makes you think I care?"

"I guess you don't."

"...well let's just pretend I did."

"Mhmm."

"Just spit it out already."

Pidge played with the idea in her head for awhile, wondering if it was right for her to get involved. She decided it wasn't her place to deny Lance the facts. "Keith can't handle being the bride of Space Dad."

"How so? They always look pretty lovey dovey to me." Lance cringed at the image of them kissing once again popping into his head.

"They are. That's the point. Keith isn't really a touchy feely guy."

"So you're saying Shiro is smothering him and I should break them up for Keith's own good?"

"Not even close. All I'm saying is that Keith is uncomfortable. There's only two possibilities for how this can end."

"Which are?"

"He gets used to it and they stay together, or he doesn't and they split up."

"And then he comes to me!"

"If he _does_ leave Shiro, it means he still isn't equipped for romance. What makes you think it'd be any different with you?"

"Because I'm _me."_ Lance laid back in his chair, imagining Keith running away from Shiro and into his arms.

Pidge shook her head and returned to her computer. _Boys. Why do I even bother?_

* * *

Despite his earlier concerns, Allura actually stayed focused on the modifications for a relatively long amount of time. Only after they had finished testing the limit of how much they could do (without Pidge anyway) did the discussion stray from technical advancements.

"How's Keith doing?"

"He's good. Still a little distant, but I'm breaking the walls down as much as I can."

"That's good to hear. There's no room for metaphorical walls within a team. I'm sure it's easy for you. You're very easy to talk to."

"Talkings easy. It's the physical stuff that seems to bug him."

"I can't imagine why." Allura almost clapped her hand over her mouth, thankful Shiro didn't react much to what she had said. Although she knew she had to be professional in order to effectively keep the paladins in working order, she couldn't deny that she had a fondness for Shiro. His looks often distracted her, and his warm personality did nothing to douse the flames. She was proud of herself for not feeling any type of jealousy about his current relationship. Instead, she was delighted for both Keith and Shiro for finding love amidst what was basically a war.

"It's all very new to him I guess. I've just got to keep showing him he can trust me."

"Right. Communication is key. Huh. Who knew all my advice for the paladins could also be applied to relationships?" Allura momentarily contemplated the idea of a relationship consisting of more than two people. Altea had never had such a thing, but perhaps on Earth it was a possibility? She quickly rejected the idea, thinking of how difficult it would be to form Voltron if something were to go wrong in the relationship. Humans seemed to struggle with maintaining balance and keeping the peace.

"Well, if we're all done here, I better go find him. The more time he spends alone, the less time I have to work on him."

Shiro left without waiting for her to say goodbye. The princess felt a slight twinge of worry that this relationship wasn't exactly as positive as she'd hoped. She brushed it off as her jealousy finally rearing it's ugly head and went about her work.


	8. Sweet Truth

Keith felt as if he were in some sort of trance as he dressed himself in his paladin uniform. It was ridiculous, really. Getting this excited about going flying with Lance. They weren't even going to be inside the same vehicle. He'd only actually see him through the communication screen. This wasn't a walk on the beach. This was just some flight training. Still, Keith had to constantly remind himself that, A- Lance had no romantic interest in him and, B- He already has a boyfriend. All his emotions must have finally begun to destroy his mental processes from the inside out. In a world of evil aliens and advanced technology, Keith never thought it would be _love_ that caused him to crack.

He was about to grab his helmet and go meet Lance when there came a knock at his door. Keith nearly squealed. Had Lance come to walk with him to the hangar? He tried to keep the excitement out of his voice as he spouted out "Come in". The doors to his room slid open and in stepped his tall, strong, and scarred boyfriend. Keith tried to hide his disappointment as he set down his helmet and stepped into Shiro's hug. Keith didn't know why Shiro was so insistent on touching him all the time. It may have sounded weird to some, but Keith wasn't exactly fond of human contact. He wasn't _afraid_ of it or anything, it just kind of bothered him. Shiro may have meant well, but it made Keith extra uncomfortable.

So, if he feels that way, why doesn't he just tell Shiro that? Well before anyone goes making accusations that Keith is a coward (which he takes great offense to), it must be made known that things are much more complicated than it seems. Keith may be one of the few people who has seen the true Shiro. A broken man who struggles to control the aftermath of events he couldn't control. Taken far from his home. Forced to be a ruthless warrior. Losing his own arm. _Not being able to save his friends._ Despite his incredible efforts to appear as though it hasn't affected him, Keith can see what lies beneath the warm cuddly exterior. Something raw, powerful, and unstable. It had surfaced during his altercation with Lance, and if Hunk and Coran hadn't intervened, who knows what may have happened.

It's not his fear to speak up for himself that holds Keith back. It's his knowledge that he may be the only thing holding Shiro together. It hurts him to think that. _Sounds stupid doesn't it?_ Aside from that one incident, Shiro seems to be so in control. He did just fine before they got together, why should anything be different now? Keith wished he had the optimism to let go of his worries, but the truth is, he's paranoid. So if a few hugs and embraces will keep Shiro one hundred percent, then he'll do what it takes.

After releasing Keith from the hug, Shiro gave him a questionable look. "You going out to fly?"

Keith wasn't sure if he should tell him he wasn't going to be alone. "Yeah."

"Aww. I was kinda hoping I'd have you to myself today. Allura found some old Altean movies in her room and Pidge thinks she can rig up some sort of projection so we can check em out. Coran calls them classics, but Allura says they _were_ classics and if Altea were still around today they wouldn't be worth much."

"That _does_ sound interesting. Maybe we can do that later."

"Not budging on your fly time, huh? Guess I'll just have to come with you."

 _Great._ Keith _had_ to tell him now. Despite supposedly having "patched things up", Keith could tell there was still some animosity there. "Actually, Lance invited me to go flying with him."

Shiro's expression changed, and Keith didn't like the intensity of it. "And you said yes?"

"We're friends. Why would I say no?"

Shiro didn't reply, instead closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Keith didn't appreciate being made to feel stupid or childish, and Shiro was acting as if the answer should have been obvious. And it was: Shiro was jealous. Keith hadn't been expecting it, but it was blatantly the cause of Shiro's distress. Keith surprised himself at how easily _annoyed_ he was becoming with Shiro's possessive behavior. Was he not allowed to talk to the other people they practically _lived with?_

Shiro shook his head. "You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

"You shouldn't be hanging out with him."

"Once again, I ask the question. _Why?_ " Keith was admittedly, ticked off.

"Just trust me, Keith."

"How can I trust you when you won't even give me a simple answer?"

Shiro wasn't calm anymore either. "It's not like you trust me to begin with. It's like you hide from me, Keith. That's not how relationships work."

"You're changing the subject."

"There's a lot to talk about."

"Well, we can talk about it later. I have plans right now." Keith didn't wait for a reply before brushing past Shiro and out of his room.

Hearing the doors slide closed behind him, Shiro felt his anger starting to build. He should have told him. He should have just let him know the truth about what Lance really thought of him. It's like he _wants_ it to happen to him. Did he only crave attention from people who used him to boost their own egos? Was he seriously that naive that he couldn't understand that Shiro only wanted to protect him? It was a mystery to Shiro how he could have all these negative thoughts about Keith but still desire him as the one thing he _needs._ He felt his anger turn to bitter regret, wishing he could start everything over and try again. He crawled into Keith's bed, smelling his boyfriend's scent on the sheets and the blankets. It made him feel so safe and warm. He _longed_ to have the real thing curled up beside him, but he was too busy making a fool out of himself.

Tears began to well up in the eyes of the black paladin. It seemed like every choice he made only further destroyed the ideal life he was picturing for himself. He snuggled deeper into Keith's bed, wondering why he ever thought this was going to be easy.

* * *

Lance had become a little antsy when Keith didn't meet him at the hangar right away. It wasn't like Keith to be late, and Lance worried he'd forgotten or lost interest. But all his worries were soothed when the red clad boy entered the hangar and approached him. Lance noticed that his normal slightly frowny expression seemed a _little frownier_ than usual. Lance figured he'd be able to change that. After all, Keith always smiled when they were together.

"It's about time you showed up. I was beginning to think you'd chickened out."

"Sorry. I lost track of the time."

 _Wow._ That was a pretty melancholy response. Lance felt his own smile begin to disappear as he finally got a good look at Keith's expression. It was clearly swimming with thoughts, and not happy ones. Lance wasn't usually so empathetic, but seeing Keith this upset made him lose all of his playful spark. The amount of concern he felt was overwhelming and he desperately needed to figure out what was wrong.

"Uh...you ok?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Stage One: Denial."

Keith gave Lance a look that could've killed Zarkon.

"Come on, Keith. What's the deal?"

The red paladin looked down, his features softening as though he were about to cry. Lance could _not_ handle a teary eyed Keith lest he be tempted to hug him until everything was ok. Or forever. Whatever came first. Truthfully, he was at a loss for what to do.

When Keith still gave no reply, Lance pushed a little more. "You can talk to me you know. Whatever you say can stay between us."

Keith picked his head up, his eyes meeting Lance's. It was almost laughable. Their eyes spoke their true feelings, both widening in adoration and keeping themselves sweetly locked on one other all the while. Remembering his situation, Keith was the first to look away, instead turning towards his lion. "I don't think I can fly today. I don't want red to pick up on my stress."

Lance didn't want to leave his side. "Come with me inside blue, then. It'll be more private and we can talk."

"I don't want to burden you with my problems."

"I don't want _you_ to deal with them alone."

Lance delighted at the teeny tiny baby smile that was slightly visible on Keith's face. They entered through blue's mouth and soon found themselves out in space, the castle still in view but far enough away that they still felt they were alone together. Lance gently piloted blue around asteroids and stars as he listened to Keith spill his inner feelings, something he never thought he'd get to hear.

"I'm not trying to say anything bad about Shiro, but I just don't think we work together."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, we're just different. He likes a lot of kissing and hugging and I guess I just wasn't ready for that. He's also pretty possessive. I just never thought it would be so much at once. I'm not very experienced in _any_ of this and he's sort of guiding me through it. I just don't know if I can keep up…...sorry if this is weird for you to hear about."

"Nah, it's cool. I actually heard about most of this from Pidge."

"...how did she know?"

"Beats me. She says _us boys_ are as easy to read as a magazine."

"Maybe it's easy for her. Sometimes I don't know what he's thinking. He didn't want me to hang out with you today, and he wouldn't tell me why. I know you guys haven't been the greatest friends lately but I didn't think it ran that deep."

Lance sighed, allowing blue to idle so he could look at Keith. The red paladin stood next to Lance's chair, looking shocked at the sudden eye contact. Shiro hadn't told him anything yet, and Lance resolved it was better for him to hear the truth from him instead of some sort of twisted lie.

"There's something I should tell you."

Keith didn't know what to make of Lance's sudden change in mood. "Ok….what is it?"

"When Shiro hit me, he did it because of something I said. And it's something I wish I could take back. I'm not sure if I meant it then, but I definitely don't feel that way now. I just want you to hear it from me."

Keith just nodded, not sure where Lance was going with this.

"I told him that I thought you had like, a crush on me. And I said that I had been kinda feeding into a little bit, just for fun. But I swear on my life I never meant to hurt you or anything, and I don't think of you as some little game."

Keith's expression was empty and vacant, and Lance didn't know what to make of that. Keith looked away from him and down at his helmet. He toyed with it in his hands, needing some sort of distraction while he asked his next question. "What do you really think of me as?"

Lance removed his own helmet, prompting Keith to return his attention to him. Even though all signs pointed to this being a really bad idea, Lance smiled warmly and gave his response. "I'm still trying to figure that out."

Keith's blush meter was off the charts, his mind desperately trying to make sense of Lance's actions. He felt no anger or betrayal when Lance confessed what he'd said, only wanting to know what it meant for them now. How could he so easily overlook these important details? Apparently, Keith was much deeper into his own lovesickness than he thought. He had no idea what he was supposed to do next, electing to just stand there awkwardly and blatantly stare at Lance.

Sensing the meltdown going on within Keith and seeing his face begin to match the red hue of his suit, Lance decided to push things a step further. "You wanna sit down?" Keith seemed to partially snap out of his turmoil to raise an eyebrow, noting the lack of other chairs available within the cockpit. Not missing a beat, Lance gave his best seductive smirk and patted his own lap.

Keith felt his heart stop. He felt compelled to comply with the request, knowing deep down he wanted it too. There were so many sirens and alarms blaring that told him to get the _hell_ out of there but his heart told him to stay and fulfill the dreams and scenarios that had long played out inside his head. Not wanting to make a big deal about it, he quickly slipped onto Lance's lap, hesitant to get too comfortable in case Lance changed his mind. Instead, he felt Lance wrap his arms around him from behind, and heard a whisper in his ear.

"What do _you_ really think of me?"

And suddenly Keith saw the truth. He'd been lying to himself. Forcing himself to believe that it was a distaste for human contact that was the issue in his relationship with Shiro. But this just wasn't the case. The issue was the identity of the partner themselves. His reluctance to get intimate with the black paladin stemmed solely from his undying desire to be intimate with Lance. When forced into a relationship with the wrong person, he created extra barriers that would never be broken simply because he wanted someone else. Lance was the only one who was able to make him feel such intense emotions, and everything that once held him back melted away.

Keith turned around, straddling Lance, and gave him an answer in the form of sweetly locked lips.


	9. Theatrics

**I am very aware that every chapter these guys are more occ than before. I tried, but now it's a mess.**

 **However, I am also a mess, and I'm glad my story reflects that. :)**

 **If anyone actually reads this, enjoy!**

* * *

Although the kiss had felt like a firework for both of them, Lance felt blue trying to tell him something, and it was most likely "get a room". After returning the blue lion to the hangar, the pair quickly snuck off to Lance's room, a childish giddiness taking over both of them. They currently sat side by side on the floor up against the base of Lance's bed, shoulders touching. Keith felt an uncertain bliss that he wanted to last forever, and Lance's confusion with his own identity was overshadowed by the butterflies performing acrobatics in his stomach.

Keith felt a little guilty about the kiss, but only in the little moments when he wasn't completely absorbed in his dream turned reality. His relationship with Shiro seemed so distant, like it existed in another life far away from here. Or maybe that's just how he wished it would be. It didn't matter. He was proud of himself. Instead of chickening out and denying his feelings he'd gone in for the kill. _And boy was it worth it._ He debated resting his head on Lance's shoulder, but was surprised when he felt Lance on his shoulder instead.

"Shiro's going to kill me." Lance sounded genuinely afraid. He had every right to be.

Keith too feared Shiro's reaction. He couldn't decide what would be worse; anger and aggression, or depression and despair. He wasn't a fan of lying, but it was too big of a risk. This would have to remain a secret. "I don't plan on telling him."

Keith felt Lance tense up momentarily, picking his head up to meet his gaze. "Are you serious?"

"Lance, he punched you over a rude comment. I don't think he can handle anything else."

The blue paladin felt the butterflies disperse. They were replaced with a sickening spiral. "So, what? I'm just supposed to pretend like it didn't happen?"

Keith began to panic, his perfect moment already falling apart. "I don't know what else we can-"

Lance wasn't finished. "You said you didn't think it was going to work with him anyway. Why does it matter?"

"I'm afraid, Lance. I just don't want anything-"

"Do not understand how weird this is for me? I've never so much as held hands with another guy before until today. This is the first time in my life that I've ever been so confused about myself. The only thing I know right now is that I want to be with you, and you want me to just sit there and act like nothings changed?"

Keith felt himself begin to shake. There were so many things he wanted to say, but his mouth could form no words. Could he please no one? He upset Shiro earlier, and now he'd upset Lance, someone he'd only wanted to see smile. Maybe he really wasn't made for this. Maybe intimate relationships were just something his mind didn't know how to process. He didn't want to look the blue paladin in the eyes, and when Lance's door opened, he leapt from his spot on the floor and scurried down the hall.

Hunk watched Keith brush past him and disappear out of sight, then turned to Lance. Safe to say, Lance's expression only increased his confusion. "Uhh….what's going on?"

Lance looked down at the floor dejectedly. "Oh nothing. Just having an identity crisis is all. Nothing major."

Hunk felt uneasy. "And Keith?"

"It's all his fault."

"What happened?"

Lance turned to look at his yellow clad friend, and Hunk _really_ didn't like the look in his eyes. "I've never had to deal with anything like this before, Hunk. Never once in my _life_ have I thought I was gay or bi or _whatever._ And then we go out into space and become _defenders of the universe_ and I'm living with some shut in who _clearly_ has the hots for me and then everything gets messy."

"Lance, what did you do?"

"Why do you assume _I_ did something? It takes two to tango."

"Ok, look. I couldn't care less about anybody liking anything. But if everything Pidge has been spouting out about those two is true, you have no right to get yourself involved."

"Are you seriously scolding me?"

Hunk surprised himself with his own assertiveness. "You can act like the victim all you want, but you know damn well that Keith isn't somebody who needs to be messed with. He's already got a lot to deal with."

Lance knew Hunk was right, but was too angry to give in. He rolled his eyes and looked away. "Whatever. We all have a lot to deal with. It's not my fault he acts like a baby." Lance stood up, doing his best to shake everything off. "You know what? Forget everything I said. I don't care. If he doesn't want to admit that he's in love with me, that's his problem."

Hunk sighed, knowing his friend was going to be stubborn about this for at least a couple of days. He decided he could deal with this better when he had Pidge for backup. "I only came down here to tell you that we're about to start watching those Altean movies Allura and Coran found."

"Good. Let's go." Lance stalked past him out of the room, and Hunk silently wondered if he should have just kept quiet and let Lance stay in his room and marinate in his denial.

* * *

Keith couldn't stop shaking. The jolts being dispersed throughout his body were nothing like the little flutters he got when he was nervous or embarrassed. These were violent jerks that kept him feeling uneasy with every step he took. The water welling in his eyes wasn't making anything easier. He felt pathetic. Why was he so vulnerable to everything? This had all started with losing a little sleep and now he couldn't even control his own emotions. Or _impulses._ _Like the impulse to make out with Lance._

The kiss was sweet, but Lance quickly became bitter, and Keith just didn't know why. It wasn't like he _wanted_ to keep it a secret. Keith _wanted_ to forget about everything else and just spend more time with the blue paladin, just doing whatever. But Keith also knew he had other….responsibilities. A relationship shouldn't sound so much like a chore, but it didn't matter. He was stuck with it right now, and being with Lance just wasn't an option. The red paladin just kind of assumed that Lance would understand and come to the same conclusion. He should have known all along. Lance wasn't one for subtlety.

But right now, Keith knew he had to _stop_ thinking about him. He had to be prepared for whatever was going to unfold. He couldn't picture Lance exposing them by himself, but that's not what concerned him. This would only fuel the silent hatred that had been growing between Shiro and Lance, something that could literally affect the state of the universe. Most troubling would be how Lance acted towards him. He had to be ready for the awkwardness. Not being able to meet his eyes. Bitter words mumbled under his breath. Clenched fists and tense lips.

Keith pushed the image of upset Lance as far out of his mind as possible as he located the black paladin in the kitchen. Regardless of his current guilt, Keith needed to be comforted, and he knew Shiro would provide it whether he asked for it or not. Shiro had apparently been preparing a snack (Hunk had clearly taught him a few things), but stopped his efforts when he saw the red paladin. He studied him momentarily, probably considering saying "I told you so". He apparently decided against it and simply opened his arms to receive him in an embrace. Keith allowed himself to be engulfed by Shiro's strong, warm body as he blinked back more tears.

"It's alright. I'm here now." He ran his fingers through Keith's hair, softly smiling to himself.

"It's not alright." Keith didn't bother holding back, allowing a few dozen tears to slowly trickle down across his face.

"Tell me what happened."

Keith hadn't had time to come up with any type of excuse, so he decided to just lie by omission.

"He told me what he said to you before."

Shiro sighed. He couldn't imagine how that must've felt. If only Keith did as he told him.

"But then he said that's not how he really felt. And I thought everything was going to be ok. But then he got _angry._ I didn't know what to say."

"That's because he's a _liar,_ Keith. He said all that to you because he wants to use you. He's messing with your head and you're letting him. He wouldn't say you were just a _game_ to him if that's not how he felt."

Keith didn't believe a word of that. "I don't think he would do all of that on purpose. He seemed really upset…"

"I didn't think that's the kind of person he was either. But he's slowly showing more and more of his true self. At the end of the day, he's a douche bag. Does he have good qualities? Sure. And I used to think he was one of those jerks with a heart of gold. But the way he treats you is telling a different story."

Keith didn't like the way Shiro's words filled his head, making him second guess himself. He looked up at the black paladin. He wasn't sure what the look in his eye meant, but he didn't like it. He slowly eased himself out of his grasp, feigning contentment.

"Just don't worry about him, Keith. As long as we're together, he doesn't matter." Shiro returned his attention to the snack on the table. "Oh, we're about to start watching those Altean movies."

Keith was going to decline, in favor of avoiding Lance and being alone, but thought better of it. Shiro would probably insist they be together and skip out on the movies too. "Alright. I'm gonna hit the shower and then I'll come watch." He didn't wait for a response before slipping away, mind blank and intending to keep it that way.

* * *

Shiro chuckled out loud to himself. He couldn't believe it. Did _Lance_ actually feel something for _Keith?_ That was something he hadn't seen coming. _No way. I must be reading too far into this. Or am I?_ Despite what he'd told his boyfriend, he seriously doubted the blue paladin had the mental capacity to be that manipulative. So _why_ would Lance confess to Keith? What did he _really feel?_ There were a lot of implications that Keithy boy had glossed over. It was almost too good to be true.

Shiro grabbed his food and made his way to the room where Pidge had set everything up. Everyone had already taken their seats aside from Keith who was still lingering in the shower. Shiro took notice of Lance's smile that didn't reach his eyes. Something was _definitely_ going on.

Allura smiled (genuinely) and patted the spot next to her. Shiro plopped down and got comfortable, settling in for what was going to be a very _interesting_ evening. Pidge started the film, as Coran informed them the opening credits would give Keith enough time to return. The film surprisingly didn't appear to different from a basic earth movie. Aside from the setting and actors being altean, it seemed the concept was the same. Keith returned just in time for the introduction of the main character.

Shiro smirked at the lack of room for Keith to sit, of course allowing him to sit in his lap. He knew Keith enjoyed it. He was just too shy to admit it. Shiro didn't miss the quick glances between Keith and Lance, and decided to put his theory to the test. Throughout the movie, he was purposely over the top affectionate with the red paladin. Wrapping his arms around him and giving him pecks on the cheek. Whispering in his ear and playing with his hair. Playfully poking him to make him squirm.

There was no mistake. Lance may have tried to focus on the movie, but his face said it all. It wasn't annoyance. It wasn't disgust. It wasn't embarrassment. It was clear and bitter _envy._ Shiro felt a sick sense of pride. _Just showing him what's mine._

Keith on the other hand was _very_ embarrassed and quickly excused himself when Shiro started tickling him again. Lance watched him go before returning a hateful gaze to Shiro. He was sick. Keith was clearly uncomfortable but that didn't stop him from doing whatever the hell he wanted. Lance knew he could wipe that smug smile off of Shiro's face in five seconds. All he'd have to tell him was the truth. _Keith can't stand you. He wants me._

When Shiro got up to get a refill, Lance followed him to the kitchen. He couldn't let this go on any longer. He waited for the door to slide shut before crossing his arms and addressing his leader.

"You need to lay off Keith."

Shiro didn't even turn around, still getting his drink. "Says who?"

"Uh, anyone with eyes. He's obviously uncomfortable."

Shiro took a drink, still not bothering to face Lance. "Oh really?"

Shiro clearly wasn't listening to him. Lance decided to just pull out the big guns now. "He's only with you because he thinks he has to be. It's me he really wants."

Setting his drink on the counter, Shiro finally turned to face the blue paladin. His grin seemed sinister and Lance was visibly shaken. Shiro approached, and once again, Lance found himself looking up at the towering man. Refusing to be intimidated, Lance let his big mouth free. "What are you going to do? Hit me again because you know I'm right?"

Shiro's smile only grew wider, an expression Lance didn't think the black paladin could make. His voice was deep and hushed. "Just admit it Lance. You're a _sore loser._ He belongs to _me._ And you have to live with it."

Lance had no response for that, and Shiro shouldered past him and out of the kitchen. Lance followed him back to the movie, still trying to think of anything else to say. It was pointless. Keith had returned in their absence, and Shiro scooped him up off the couch and into his arms. Lance felt his stomach drop as he watched their lips meet as Shiro carried Keith away and out of the room. Pidge and Hunk exchanged "oooooo" sounds, but after the previous conversation, Lance was extremely worried for Keith.

* * *

The movie ended and everyone began heading to bed. Coran and Hunk both still had tears in their eyes from the emotional ending, and Pidge made fun of them all the way down the hall. Allura noticed that Lance had seemed uneasy through the whole thing, but didn't have a chance to question him before he made a mad dash to his room. It was probably for the best. She was dealing with her own issue right now.

She felt like an idiot. She'd sat herself right next to Shiro and Keith, and was mere inches away from them crawling all over each other. She could barely keep herself under control, completely on edge for the whole half hour it went on for. She was nearly drooling in anticipation. Seeing Shiro act like that had made her quite….aroused. The princess had wanted nothing more than to push Keith onto the floor and climb into the black paladins lap herself. _Oh, why did it have to be this way._

It was exciting to her at first seeing the two of them together. She knew it made Shiro happy, and so she was happy. But now, seeing them so intimate, it was safe to say she was _unhappy._ It only made things worse that she had no one to discuss it with. Coran would probably scold her for all of the unladylike thoughts that filled her head when thinking about Shiro. She'd probably scold herself too. Allura thought she was so much more mature than this. But here she was being jealous and lustful and her mind filled with steamy thoughts…..

Maybe she should have stayed in her pod for a few thousand more years.


	10. Too Far

Shiro's affectionate antics had become a flat out annoyance to Keith. His irritation subsided however, when Shiro snatched him off the couch and started carrying him down the hall. He kept peppering him with kisses, and as much as Keith wanted to like it, he kinda didn't. Keith's ability to keep his mouth shut for Shiro's own good was starting to wear. This was just _excessive_. He could only take so much. He raised a hand to protest and push the bigger man away, but stopped as he was plopped down into Shiro's bed. Despite the voice in his head that told him Shiro would never do anything without his consent, little prickles of fear starting worming their way through his system. He felt the shaking start again, and Shiro noticed it too. It made him smile. He swear he could hear him thinking it: _You're cute when you're afraid._

Shiro must have noticed he was being scarier and more intimately overbearing than usual. "Just lay with me tonight." He pulled off his shirt, and Keith tried not to stare. Shiro slid into the bed next to him, frowning at Keith's obvious uneasiness. "Come on. You never let me get close to you. It's starting to feel like you don't even like me." The sad tone of his voice really hit Keith where it hurts. Already in his pajamas after showering, he slipped under the covers and cuddled up to Shiro. Keith rested his head against Shiro's chest, listening to his soft heartbeat. The warmth of his body was intoxicating. Even his galra tech arm, while cold to the touch, seemed to radiate heat from within.

The red paladin felt familiar fingers combing through his hair. "Isn't this nice? Just you and me." The older man chuckled to himself before adding, "I always thought you kinda had a crush on me back at the Garrison. I was just kinda flattered at the time." Keith nearly rolled his eyes. He may have looked up to him, but he was never a fanboy with a crush. He thought of him like an older brother if anything. Keith was far too focused on other things to have any of those feelings. Although, the fact that Shiro felt this way did beg the question.

"What changed?" Keith was genuinely curious. How did he get from _I'm flattered_ to _I will hold you in my arms and never let you out of my sight._ He should have known better than to ask.

"After the Kerberos mission and everything….I don't know. You came to rescue me. You were kind of all that was left of my old life. The one thing I didn't lose."

… _..oh_

Keith nearly smacked himself across the face. Now he felt _really_ bad about…..well everything. Avoiding him, complaining about him, kissing someone else. Not his proudest moments. But this revelation didn't change how _he_ felt. Keith decided this was even more of a reason to call things off. The longer he waited, the more emotionally invested Shiro would become; and the bigger the aftershock that would result. Things had already gone too far. Whatever he was going to say, he was going to say it now. _No preparation. Just flat out honesty._

Before he could say a word, Keith found himself being straddled. _Oh boy_.

"Now, cadet Keith, it's time for your lesson in mouth to mouth resuscitation." As expected, Shiro moved in for a kiss, harder and stronger than usual. Keith's surprise caused him to give into the kiss. This _really_ wasn't what he needed to be doing right now. He raised his arms to push Shiro away only to have the older man grab his wrists and restrain him. The intimate aggression had returned and Keith was feeling more and more hopeless. He couldn't wait any longer. He'd only just worked up the nerve and now he was losing it again. He made a firm grunt and squirmed out of Shiro's grasp. The kiss came to a reluctant stop and Shiro gave him a confused look.

"I know I just asked you to lay with me, but you got me talking about my feelings and I was gettin kinda worked up." The husky tone in his voice only made things more awkward. Keith pretended not to notice Shiro's panting and sat upright. _Now or never._

"Shiro, I've got to tell you something. I know you may get upset with me, but I know you'd want me to be honest with you." Getting no immediate reaction, Keith took a deep breath and continued. "I don't think I can do this anymore. I really care about you, but to be honest, I've never really thought of you in this way. As embarrassing as it is, this is still a little much for me. You'll always be family to me, but I don't think I can be your boyfriend anymore." Keith mentally patted himself on the back for not stumbling over his words. For a moment, he felt that went really well. The moment didn't last.

Shiro scoffed. "Are you being serious? Do you _still_ not understand?" Noting Keith's obvious confusion and shifting at his sudden change in tone, the black paladin continued. "I'm really gonna have to spell it out for you, aren't I?" Shiro got up off his bed and stood in front of Keith, staring down at him like a father scolding his child. "You need me, Keith. Someone has to protect you and guide you through all the stupid mistakes you make. I'm the only person who could care about you as much as you need me too. You're lost without me."

Keith blinked several times, trying not to get angry. "Shiro, please don't do this. I can still be there for you, you won't be alone. Any time you need someone to talk to, I'll be there. You don't need to insult me like that. I'll never abandon you." Keith didn't take anything Shiro had said personally, thinking it had just come from his anger and fear of being alone.

Shiro chuckled again, only it was different this time. Dark. Malicious. Keith sometimes wondered if his time with the galra had tainted his mind as well as his body. "Is this about Lance?"

Keith froze up. "No, it's not." It didn't sound convincing to either of them.

"Are you an idiot? He doesn't _care_ about you, Keith. Why do you let him get in your head? Were you not just crying to me earlier about him? He's not interested. You know, I'm starting to think I was wrong. Maybe he's not a complete douche. Maybe it's been _you_ the whole time. You're _obsessed_ with him, Keith. He probably reacted that way because he was grossed out and wanted you to leave him the fuck alone." There was a sharp edge in Shiro's voice now, and Keith didn't stop the tears running down his face.

"You're _wrong_."

"And you're delusional." Shiro turned away from him and crossed to the other side of his room. Keith stood up to protest, but was silenced by Shiro's final retort. "Just forget it. I don't know why I ever thought I needed you. You're _pathetic._ Just go away."

And with that, Keith damn near sprinted out the door. He made no effort to wipe the tears streaming down his face. He believed it. He believed every word. He was pathetic. He was delusional. He was stupid. And Lance didn't care about him. And neither did Shiro. Not anymore, anyways. He'd managed to screw that up as well. In one night, he'd upset two of the people he cared about most. Keith continued to run down the hall, past his bedroom. Sleep couldn't help him now. There was no fixing this. No one wanted to see him acting like a fucking crybaby over something that was all his fault.

Eyes still wet with tears, he reached his destination. He slipped into an escape pod and flew out into space, leaving the castle behind. He didn't look back. He wasn't going back.

It's over for him.

* * *

Shiro had felt a ball of guilt form in his stomach as soon as he'd heard his door shut. He couldn't even face Keith when he'd said it. _Who was really the weak one here?_

The guilt only grew as he lay alone in bed that night. He'd unloaded. All the stress and pent up frustration he'd been holding in just released itself all at once. He'd been planning to release it another way, but _that_ hadn't exactly worked out. Shiro knew he had to stop doing this. Leader or not, it was unhealthy to keep all that inner turmoil swirling around in a wicked vortex. Last time he'd exploded he'd channeled it into a punch in Lance's face. Somehow, he felt that even that didn't compare to what he'd just done. And to _Keith_ of all people. _Why do we hurt the ones we care about?_

What made it hurt more was the thought that Keith may have been right. Maybe everything he'd done wasn't good for either one of them. But why? All he wanted was for them to be closer. He couldn't lose anyone else. He had to be secure. Was he wrong for feeling that way?

He knew an apology was in order, but he figured Keith would need time before he'd even be willing to speak to him. Between that, and the fact that he felt like he was going to puke, he decided he would deal with it first thing in the morning. It was safe to say the black paladin got very little sleep that night.

* * *

Lance dragged himself out of bed and was disgusted at his reflection in the mirror. He wasn't normally so disheveled first thing in the morning, but last night had been rough. His mind had been racing, images of Shiro's intense grin and Keith's uncomfortable frown flashing in his eyes. He felt a mixture of so many emotions that it made him sick. Worry, for what might have happened to Keith last night. Anger, at Shiro's careless treatment of the red paladin. Jealousy, of Shiro claiming another intimate moment that could have been his. And regret, for everything he could have and should have done.

He reluctantly exited his room and trudged down the hall for breakfast. He was thankful to find only Hunk occupying the room. The blue paladin got himself a plate and settled himself at the table, ready to eat until he felt better or died. Whichever came first.

Hunk decided now was as good a time as any to check on his friend. "How ya doing?"

" _Great._ "

"Oh come on. Cheer up, please. Someone needs to be the light hearted comic relief around here."

"It's a little difficult to be happy when you sleep a few halls away from a psychopath having sex with someone you care about."

" _Woah_. Ok. First of all, please don't ever say anything like that to me, ever again. Second of all, you care about _both_ of them. And third, they did not take part in any such activity last night."

"And how do you know?"

"The " _psychopath"_ told me they got in a pretty bad argument last night. He just went to his room to apologize."

"Well good. At least _everyone's_ miserable."

"Ok, but seriously. Cut that out. You're scaring me."

"You're telling me. I'm scaring _myself._ "

"You still talking about the whole identity crisis thing?"

"It's just him. It scares me how much I care."

"Awww."

"It's not a joke, Hunk."

"But it _is_ cute."

Lance didn't have a chance to contest this before a concerned Coran burst into the room.

"Have either of you seen Keith?! Shiro says he's not in his room and no one's seen him all morning!"

Hunk and Lance exchanged confused glances. Coran took that as a no and dashed away, pursued by the two paladins. They arrived at the control room where a nervous Allura was flipping through all the video feeds of the castle. "I don't understand. His lion is still in the hangar. He's not in the training room. He's not at the pool. He's not in any of the bedrooms and he's not in here!" Shiro stood off to the side looking more and more anxious by the second. Deep down he must have already known. Everyone swiveled around to face the door when Pidge came in, out of breath.

"One of the escape pods is missing." Lance thought he was going to lose consciousness.

He lunged at Shiro instead.

* * *

 **I plan on the next update being sometime this weekend. If not, that means I probably acted like a sloth and did nothing for several days. I'll try to keep myself together. Thank you to anyone still reading this story as it zig zags and crashes XD.**

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	11. Retrieved

Unfortunately for Lance, his pent up anger only resulted in swatting at the air. Shiro saw him coming a mile away and restrained him at arm's length. Everyone else was too caught off guard to say or do anything and instead just stared at the scene. It was laughable when you thought about it. A young man restraining a teenager like he was a child throwing a fit. Allura was the first to come to her senses and easily separated the two. The look in her eyes told both of them she did _not_ think the display was cute. "Alright, _clearly_ the two of you know something we don't. You _will_ remain calm and you _will_ begin explaining immediately."

Lance turned his ferocious expression towards Shiro as he waited for him to reveal his wicked nature. Lance had certainly seen enough of it in the past week. The black paladin sighed, looking genuinely regretful. "This is all my fault."

Lance made another leap for the man. "Of course it's your fault! You-" He was silenced by Allura clamping a hand over his mouth, effectively quieting him and holding him back at the same time. She nodded at Shiro to continue.

"Last night, we got into an argument. I said of lot of things I really didn't mean. Things I would never say to him in a million years. But that's not it, at least I don't think so. It's been building up since we've been together. I never should have forced him into that with me." The black paladin hung his head, the sorrow and guilt almost tangible in his voice. Lance calmed a bit, and Allura released him to put a reassuring arm on Shiro's shoulder. He looked up at her, then worked up the courage to continue.

"While I was held captive by the Galra, I thought about Keith a lot. I knew that he didn't have a lot of other people besides me, and I kept thinking if I made it back for anyone, it would be him. He's like family to me, and I know he feels the same way. But I made a mistake. I know how he gets sometimes, and I thought maybe he just needed someone close to him. At the same time, I felt like I needed someone close to me too. It made so much sense. I thought a relationship would be good for both of us. We were both a little broken, so I figured we needed that kind of understanding and caring. But I was wrong. This wasn't good for either one of us. I got too possessive. I mistook kinship for love. And when he didn't feel the same way, I got angry. More aggressive, physically and mentally. I didn't feel like myself. I felt like…"

And although he didn't say it, everyone in the room knew the word on the tip of his tongue. A title he'd earned through a battle he hadn't wanted to fight.

 _Champion._

No one spoke for what felt like a decade, contemplating the heaviness of Shiro's confession. Despite his earlier rage, Lance felt a tiny stab of guilt for everything he'd said about Shiro. He'd forgotten that above anything, Shiro was a _survivor._ Faced with the same predicament, Lance would have lost his mind and perished. Shiro managed to get out with a few scars, and they weren't all physical.

Shiro was right, it was more than just their argument last night. But Lance knew it hadn't just been Shiro's aggressive advances that drove him to this point. He'd played his own part, and it was time to come clean. "It's my fault too." Every set of eyes in the room swiveled to face him, all bearing different expressions of shock. Lance almost regretted speaking up, crossing his arms in embarrassment. " _What?_ "

Pidge enlightened him. "You have to agree, it's a little strange for you to willingly admit you've made a mistake."

Lance didn't miss how Hunk nodded in agreement with the statement. Closing his eyes if only to avoid rolling them, he put on a serious expression and prepared to spill his guts. "For a little bit now, I've thought Keith had a crush on me, and I didn't really know how I felt about it at first. I said some stupid things that I didn't mean to Shiro, and he gave me what I deserved…" The black paladin shifted uncomfortably while the others put together the events in their minds. Despite the revelation, no one seemed that surprised. "But then things got kinda confusing. I started to feel like I liked him back, and we went out in my lion and shared a moment together….but he didn't want to tell anyone about it. And I got pissed. I was so confused about myself and I just lashed out at him." Risking a look at Shiro he added, "Guess we both exploded on the same night, huh?"

Once again, no one spoke. The room felt muggy and unpleasant. Even those who weren't involved felt guilty, wondering if there was something they could have done. Lance felt his fists clench. There was no time to just stand around. "I can't tell him how sorry I am and what an idiot I've been if I never see him again. Can't you guys call him or something?"

Allura snapped herself out of her thoughts and back into action, everyone followed her over to the controls as she brought up a map. "He's disabled the communicator in the pod, so we won't be able to contact him. But we can still track him." Her fingers moved at lightning speed across the panel as she honed in on his location. "Alright, I'm setting the castles coordinates on his pod. He's still moving, but we should be able to catch up with him." The determination in her voice was contagious. She wasn't about to lose one of her paladins, and none of them were going to lose their friend.

Lance stared at the little red dot on the screen. He couldn't help but wonder if he might have been able to stop him. If he'd acted on his worries and went to check on him, he might have caught him before he left. He could have apologized, and maybe consoled him after his fight with Shiro. He could have told him how much he meant to him, or maybe he could have _shown_ him. But he hadn't. He wasn't there for him. And now Keith was alone. And when one is alone, their mind wanders to dangerous places.

Lance kicked those thoughts away, silently urging the castle to go faster.

* * *

Catching up to Keith had gone quicker than Coran and Allura had predicted, but it still hadn't been fast enough for any of them. All attempts at contacting the pod had still failed, so it seemed like they were going to have to bring him back by force. Allura knew they'd have to send one of the lions out to retrieve him, but she wasn't exactly certain who to send. Since Lance and Shiro seemed to be responsible for this mess, they probably shouldn't be involved. However, Keith was a skilled pilot, and if he tried to flee, she wasn't sure Hunk or Pidge would be able to catch him. It was times like these she'd wished the castle had a strong tractor beam.

Shiro stepped forward when they were in range. "I'll go get him. It's my fault he's out there and I'm sure I can catch him if I have too."

Allura still didn't like it. "Maybe we should try a more _peaceful_ approach. I'll remove the castle's cloaking device and just idle next to him. We can open the bay doors and maybe he'll fly in on his own." She got a few doubtful glances in response to this. "Aggression and force is what got us here in the first place. We need a different approach." Her subtle reminder may have been low blow, but it got her point across. Coran removed the castles cloaking and opened up the bay doors. Everyone peered out at the escape pod as it suddenly slowed, the castles sudden appearance most likely startling the red paladin.

Team Voltron held their collective breaths as they waited for the small ship to move again. Instead, they watched as the boosters began warming up. It only took Pidge a few moments to catch on. "He's about to use that upgrade I added! It'll boost him far enough away that-"

She was interrupted by a clearly alarmed Coran. "It'll _explode_ the whole pod is what it'll do!"

All they could do was watch in horror as the pod disappeared in a cloud of flame, debris floating in every direction. A lone body drifted in the cold darkness of outer space, not making any sort of movement. Lance had heard someone scream. It might have been him. But the tears on his cheek were unmistakable. He began to tremble, cursing himself. Cursing everything. In that brief moment, the entire universe was a wretched place.

He almost missed the shape of the red lion shooting out of the ship, swallowing the form of it's paladin. As it began to return, everyone sprinted out of the control room towards the hangar. Lance had never moved so fast in his life, and everyone was right there with him. They came crashing through the door just as the red lion gently discarded Keith's unconscious body on the ground. Everything that happened next was a blur. The next time Lance could think straight again he was staring at Keith, eyes peacefully closed in a healing pod. He heard the tail end of Coran giving a speech, declaring that Keith should be alright in a couple of days.

He eventually found himself alone with Shiro and the sleeping Keith. Lance gazed at the wounded boy, wondering how he still managed to look so beautiful after being violently thrown into space. His dark hair framed his sleeping features, his lips slightly agape as he took shallow breaths. Lance resisted the urge to put his hand on the pod, still feeling Shiro's presence in the room. He hadn't planned on saying anything, but the older man still wanted to clear some things up.

"You deserve an apology from me just as much as he does. I'm sorry about everything that's happened. I hurt both of you, and I kept you apart. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and I want you to know that I never want that part of me to surface ever again." Shiro placed a hand on Lance's shoulder, and the blue paladin knew he couldn't stay mad.

"It's alright. It wasn't just you. We all played our own parts, I guess." Lance could tell Shiro meant it this time, and grudges were bad for people on both ends. He watched as Shiro smiled warmly at him before returning his attention to the pod.

Shiro's desperate expression almost made Lance want to hug him. "I just hope he can forgive me too."

Lance turned as well, his eyes once again falling on Keith's slumbering form. "He'll forgive you. You can't stay mad at family." Lance assured Shiro, as he knew this all too well.

He just didn't know if they'd be able to pick up where they left off.

* * *

 **This chapter was actually ready yesterday but the site was giving me an attitude so I had to wait until today. Close enough.**

 **We're nearing the end here folks. Hope you're ready for the conclusion. The final chapter should be posted sometime this week. A big thank you to everyone reading and supporting :)**

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	12. With You

Allura sat on her bed, brushing out her long and uncooperative hair. Apparently after a long and stressful day of being pulled back, it didn't like to separate and insisted on tangling together. She was used to it by now, but that didn't make the job any easier. While she struggled to tame the mass of white locks, she thought about her father, and what he would say if he were still here. She knew he would probably tell her there was no way she could have predicted the emotions and actions of her paladins as they tore her team apart. Hopefully Keith wouldn't still be upset upon his awakening and things could just go back to normal. Or as normal as they could be, given the circumstances.

Now that she had time to process everything, she was pretty sure that Lance had intentions of becoming a couple with Keith, and she was unsure if she should allow that. Keith clearly displayed a tendency to make rash decisions when in distress and Lance seemed prone to outbursts of anger. That didn't sound like a very good combination. Still, she thought they may work well for each other, if Keith decides to forgive him. For…..something. The details were fuzzy. To be honest, she hadn't paid much attention to Lance. At the time, she was more focused on how utterly distraught the black paladin seemed to be. Allura knew she should have been disappointed at his behavior, but she found it…. _difficult._

She heard a light knock on her door. "Come in!"

Coran slipped through her doorway and sauntered over to her bed, his quirky demeanor not having faltered through the roller coaster that had been _today._ She smiled at his entrance; he was so different from her father, but he reminded her of him all the same. She knew there was a reason why her father had instructed Coran to join her in the sleeping pods. The king had trusted Coran above anyone else. She knew the older man missed her father as much as she did.

Coran said nothing as he reached her, instead patting the mice that were seated on her bedside table. Allura continued to brush her hair, watching the childlike man.

"Are those two still at the pods?"

Coran shook his head. "I told Lance he would only add wrinkles to his skin by staying up worrying all night. Usually that works, but even that failed to phase him. So I used a little bit of force and eventually he went unwillingly to bed."

She almost laughed at how easily she could picture that in her mind. "And Shiro?"

"I got him to leave too, though I think he went towards the training deck."

Allura gave her hair one final brush before making a show of yawning and declaring she was going to bed. "Hopefully Keith will be awake tomorrow. We've got to get these earthlings straightened out before Zarkon decides to ambush us."

Coran nodded and began to take his leave. "I'm sure he'd wait until we were ready." He grinned at her before slipping out the door. "Goodnight, princess."

"Goodnight."

But she wasn't going to bed.

Allura had been waiting for a moment like this for what seemed like an eternity. She knew this was definitely not an appropriate time, but she felt she may explode if she waited a single tick longer. She felt a little guilty for telling Coran she was going to sleep, but she knew he wouldn't allow his head to touch a pillow if she was still awake. Something her father probably told him to do of course. But Coran wasn't like her father.

Shiro, on the other hand, had a bit more in common with the king.

She supposed she was destined to fall for the strong leader type, but she never imagined her prince charming would come with so much baggage. Still, she couldn't deny that the image of a forceful and angry Shiro made her heart race to speeds that threatened to make her faint. And even though it was _horrible_ to say, she felt a little tinge of joy when it was revealed that Shiro and Keith hadn't worked out. Her jealousy had subsided, but her passion had only grown. And that was why she had presently removed her pajamas and donned an outfit that would have made her father turn over in his grave. _Racy_ was the only word she could think to describe it. _Well, the only word without negative implications._

She looked herself over in the mirror. The outfit showed more skin than anything she had ever worn, and anything not on display was accentuated enough that it might as well have been. She pulled on a light silk robe to cover herself as she bid her mice goodbye and snuck out the door. She quickly tiptoed down the hall, hoping with all her might no one would suddenly emerge from a doorway in front of her and discover how _unorthodox_ she was being. Reaching the entrance to the training deck, she pressed her ear to the door. Hearing the sounds of metal on metal, she took a deep breath before stepping in.

Shiro had just knocked the gladiator to the ground with his galra tech arm when he turned to face her. He was shirtless, his chest glistening with sweat. It dripped from his hair and down his face, making her heart skip and stutter. He removed a towel that had been draped over his muscular shoulders and wiped the perspiration from his face. It wasn't until he looked up again that their eyes met. Even from across the room, his gaze hit her like a tractor beam, pulling her in and making her knees go weak. Their eyes didn't stay locked for long, as Shiro quickly realized that the princess he'd come to know was nowhere to be found.

The black paladin was as awestruck as the princess, his eyes sheepishly drifting lower to _inspect_ what Allura had kept hidden under her dress and suit of armor. He traced over the curves of her beautifully dark skin and felt his breath catch in his throat. Neither one spoke, both of them feeling too nervous to break the heavy silence that filled the air. Realizing she was still standing in the doorway, Allura stepped forward. Even as the doors closed behind her, she was powerless to stop herself from continuing her stride towards the glistening man of muscle and metal in the center of the room. His sweat towel long since discarded on the floor, he stood up straight, ready to receive her. She stopped in front of him, trying to figure out if he was shaking or if she was. It was more than likely both of them.

"...princess?" Despite the shakiness of his voice, it still held the intimate husk she so longed to hear.

"Yes?" Shiro, on the other hand, had never heard _her_ voice sound so soft.

He gave no response, instead leaning slowly towards her. She watched his eyes begin to close as he came in for a soft kiss, and she decided she wasn't going to wait around anymore. Her father always told her: _If you want something, reach out and take it._

She practically lunged at the black paladin, taking him by surprise and knocking him off his feet. He found himself with his back on the cold floor and she found herself sprawled out on top of him. That didn't stop their kiss, however, and Allura was pleased to realize it felt every bit as good as she imagined. They both allowed their hands to wander as they continued to become familiar with each others lips. Allura could feel his growing arousal, and internally scolded herself for how excited it made her.

Let's just say the training deck provided both of them with plenty of _experience_ that night.

* * *

As soon as breakfast was finished, Coran announced that Keith would most likely emerge within the next few hours. It went without saying that everyone gathered around the pod immediately after throwing their dishes haphazardly in a pile (Coran knew it would be him that took care of them later). While Shiro was still nervous that Keith wouldn't want anything to do with him, he received reassurances from everyone that Keith would understand. It wasn't until Allura placed a comforting arm on his shoulder that he seemed to calm down, though. Lance found that _very_ suspicious.

The blue paladin had moved past staring longingly at Keith's sleeping form. Last night, he'd rehearsed a dozen times what he was going to say when the red paladin finally woke up. Now he was just getting impatient. Keith _would_ make him wait and feel bad as long as he could. Not even conscious and he's _still_ being a pain. _Just wake up already so Shiro can stop moping around and I can tell you that I'm sorry and that I want you to be my boyfriend._ Lance tried to ignore the fact that he never thought he'd say that sentence in his _life._

Finally, the pod opened up and Keith stumbled out, looking disheveled and gorgeous at the same time. Coran and Hunk helped him steady himself and gave him a few moments to collect his thoughts before anyone spoke to him. He looked us all over for a moment, and I didn't miss the way he quickly darted his eyes away from mine. _Rude._ Avoiding both Shiro and I for the moment, he instead settled his gaze on Allura.

"I owe you an extreme apology. What I did was inexcusable and could have seriously damaged the fate of the universe. I was putting myself before everything else and I swear to you it won't happen-"

Allura would hear none of it. "You don't owe me an apology. What you _can_ do for me is listen to what these two blockheads have to say for themselves." This prompted a chuckle from Hunk, an eye roll from Pidge, and Lance to shuffle his feet uncomfortably. Keith gave no response and simply crossed his arms expectantly. Lance was thankful that Shiro went first.

"There isn't anything that I can say to you that can make up for what I've done. I know this is no excuse, but I was out of my mind. I have tried to keep that part of me hidden, but I let myself get carried away. I cared about you so much; I thought we'd be better together. But I forced it on you. And I started to feel things I hadn't in awhile. I should have known better. I wanted us to be closer, but it only drove us apart. I was so scared of losing you that I got angry and pushed you even farther. I'm sorry, Keith. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

Looking up from the ground, Lance discovered that both Shiro and Keith had begun to tear up somewhere in that speech. Shiro crossed the room for a hug, and Keith hastily accepted him.

"I'll always care about you, Shiro. No matter what, you'll never lose me. You're like a brother to me."

The emotions became a little too much for both Coran and Hunk, and everyone soon found themselves in a massive group hug. Lance was irritated that he was on the outside, but soon found himself crushed by Hunk's emotional embrace. As quickly as they'd come, Lance witnessed everyone clear out of the room. He was left alone with Keith, and he had to admit he was a little hurt that Keith hadn't even acknowledged him yet. He supposed he had himself to blame for that. Clearing his throat did nothing to attract the red paladin's attention, and Lance realized he wasn't going to make this easy. He decided he better get right to it.

"I'm sorry about yelling at you, you know, before." _Ok...rehearsed speech is falling apart quick._

"It's alright. I shouldn't have expected you to just pretend like nothing happened." Keith still wasn't looking at him, his voice empty and sad.

Lance knew he was going to lose his nerve to say anything else if he didn't act now. He stepped closer to Keith and didn't miss how he nearly pulled away when he reached for his hands. Lance didn't say anything at first, forcing Keith to finally face him. He couldn't tell what was happening behind those eyes.

"Look, Keith. I'll admit, I'm still not totally sure how to take this. But it doesn't matter. I don't care what anyone says or how it looks. I want to be with you. If you don't want to be with me, I'll understand. But if you do, we can go as slow as you want to. I don't want to push anything on you. I just want to be with you. So….whaddya say? We can just start with this if you want." Lance held up their intertwined hands. Such a simple show of affection, but good enough that he would take this and only this for the rest of his life if it meant Keith would say yes.

Keith shook his head, and Lance almost felt his heart plummet until the red paladin spoke.

"We don't have to go _that_ slow." And with that, Lance was pulled into their second kiss. They both found themselves laughing through it, but it was still the most passionate thing either one had ever felt. Lance inwardly sighed with relief.

 _This was totally worth a punch in the face._

* * *

 **Well, that's the nail in the coffin on this story. Even though my updates were unreliable and character portrayals wavering as we went along, I hope you still enjoyed it. Things kinda became difficult with this when I began to distance myself from the show and its fandom. There was a lot of negativity that I really didn't want to associate with, and it made being motivated to finish this difficult. Regardless, thank you all for reading and supporting this story. Best wishes to all of you :)**


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